


Spoons and Stars

by Chlobliviate



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But he's a huge dork, But that's not the thing, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Dorky Sirius, F/M, Gay Sirius, He tries to be smooth, M/M, Modern Era, Muggles, No Magic AU, Pansexual Remus, Queer Character, Remadora in a low key way for a tiny while, Representation, Snarky Remus, spoonie, we're here for wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2018-12-29 02:42:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 36,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12072912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chlobliviate/pseuds/Chlobliviate
Summary: Muggle Uni AU - Sirius meets chronically ill Remus and falls head over heels, despite Remus doing his best to keep him at arm's length.





	1. Your favourite customer.

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing :)  
> Hope you enjoy!

Sirius slipped into the bar, looking over his shoulder in case James had decided to follow him. He’d told James that the was going to the library to glean some references for their ‘Music in Culture’ essay that was due in two weeks. It wasn't the latest that they'd left a deadline, but it seemed like a good excuse to get out of the house. He was lucky that James had already left for football practice and didn't see his ‘library’ look. He certainly would have turned some heads had he decided to study.

Sirius had visited this bar for the first time exactly a week ago when he’d been served by the most beautiful human being he had ever set eyes on. He was tall, towering over Sirius’ 5’9, and his light brown hair curled like ocean waves across the top of his head. A thin silver ring through his nose and a scar cutting through his left eyebrow made him less 'pretty' and more fascinating to Sirius. When he’d taken Sirius’ order he seemed thoroughly disinterested until Sirius offered to buy him a drink too.

“I appreciate it, but I can’t drink on the job. Can’t drink at all, really.” The corners of his mouth twitched, as he continued mixing Sirius’ Blue Hawaiian. 

“Have a coke then, or a cup of tea or ... anything!” Sirius had insisted, shrugging.

“You realise that I can already have that for free, right?” He quirked an eyebrow at Sirius.

“Yes, but this way you’ll know it was a gift from your favourite customer of the night, and it might make it taste better.” Sirius grinned as the other man handed over his cocktail.

“Well, anything for my favourite customer of the night.” The other man quickly fixed himself a blackcurrant squash with soda water. “Have a good one, yeah?”

“You too. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Sirius blew him a kiss before leaving the bar, ignoring the stares he got when people saw his luminous drink. When Sirius next went to the bar, the other man was nowhere to be seen.

Sirius didn't know why he'd decided to come back. The essay really did need to be written, and soon, but there was something about the other man that he hadn't been able to stop thinking about. He looked over at the bar, the place was relatively empty seeing as it had only opened five minutes previously. He realised that if the gorgeous man from last week _was_ there that he looked both ridiculous and overly keen. There were four staff members behind the bar, but none of them were him. He tried not to feel to disappointed. He could still have a drink or two, and enjoy his night.

After deliberating for a few minutes whether to stay or leave, he decided to summon up all of his courage and ask about the bartender. He approached the bar slowly. A short woman with long red hair and bright green eyes turned to face him. 

"What can I get you, mate?" 

"I'll have a sex on the beach please." She nodded and set about preparing his drink. "I was in here last Thursday and I was talking to one of your co-workers, I just wondered if he was going to be in tonight? Tall? Wavy brown hair?"

"Last Thurs- Oh, you must mean Remus. He's not in tonight, no. Not very well." She frowned, "Can I tell him who was asking after him?"

"His favourite customer." Sirius smiled at her as he paid for his drink, maybe he'd hit the library after all. "Can you tell him I said to get well soon too?"

"I'll let him know." She seemed quite pleased that Sirius had asked after Remus. Sirius dropped a pound in the tip jar and winked at her before walking away to sit on one of the high tables on the other side of the room. His phone vibrated in his pocket, it was James on Facebook messenger.

**Jim Bob Jelly Pants**

_Where in the library are you?_

_I should probably start the essay too._

_Will be there after football._

Sirius frowned, James' football practice would be finishing in half an hour. He had time to make it to the library, but he realised too late that he didn't have his laptop or anything to take notes with. He sighed. 

**Super Serious**

_Decided to knock it on the head after half an hour, mate._

_Only so much Foucault a guy can read._

**Jim Bob Jelly Pants**

_Shit._

_We'll have to go tomorrow._

**Super Serious**

_Yeah, I suppose._

_I reeeeally fuckin hate essays._

**Jim Bob Jelly Pants**

_Me too, princess._

Sirius set his phone on the table and sipped his drink. He wondered if the bartender was a student, there wasn't much to pick up on to inform him, he was wearing black jeans and a black button down shirt. All of the bar staff were wearing the exact same thing. The nose ring and festival wristbands indicated possible student status but it was an arty town, so there was no real way of knowing. He could be one of the student-hating locals.

As Sirius finished his drink, he took his glass to the bar and waved goodbye to the redhead, who seemed to be somewhere between intrigued and perturbed by Sirius.

Once he was home, he pulled up Facebook and paused. He could search for Remus, there couldn't be many people with that name, surely. But did he want to be _that_ guy? Sirius shut his laptop.

When James came home, he found Sirius asleep on the sofa with his head resting on top of his laptop and a book on music videos as discourse open on his chest. He sighed before shaking his brother awake.

"Oi. Lazy." 

"Gerroff!" Sirius mumbled, "Sleeping."

"It's not even nine, mate." James tapped Sirius' shoulder to keep him awake. "Wake up!"

Sirius sat up slowly. While he loved living with James and would be forever grateful for James and his family for taking him in four years ago, James' never-ending energy could be a little grating sometimes.

"Jamie. It's a Thursday. Can't we just watch Full House and have dinner like normal people?" 

"Your obsession with that show is thoroughly unhealthy. There’s nothing _normal_ about it. It's not even good!" James laughed.

"It has John Stamos in all of his glory _and_ baby Mary-Kate and Ashley. What's not to love, you heathen?" Sirius pouted. 

"Fine, we'll watch your stupid show and I suppose I can cook us dinner." Sirius' eyes lit up. James had definitely inherited his mother's excellent palette and could replicate almost all of her signature meals at this point. His Chicken Biriyani was really something to behold.

"You're an excellent human being, Jamie. You know that?" Sirius jumped to his feet and threw his arms around James.

"I am when I offer to feed you, yeah." 

"Truly magnificent, you are."

"Mag Dhokli?" James suggested Sirius' favourite of his mum's meals, which he was still working on perfecting.

“Have Mercy!” 

***

"There was a guy at work asking about you today." Lily threw her coat over the arm of the sofa. 

Remus looked awful, he was pale and the dark shadows under his eyes made him look paler. He was wrapped in his favourite blanket, an old throw that his mum had sent him to uni with, red and gold squares with tassels on one end. 

He looked up at her slowly, "What?" 

"A guy, at work. Very pretty, long dark hair, cheekbones for days, said he was your favourite customer?" Lily sat on the arm behind Remus' head and stroked his hair off his forehead where sweat had matted it together. "Re, you're burning up, are you sure you don't-"

"I don't need to call 111, Lils. I hate 111. All they do is ask me if I can put my chin to my chest and then send a paramedic who upon realising I'm already sick, tells me that there's nothing they can do." Lily opened her mouth to reply, "I know you're worried, it seems like it's getting worse, but I have to wait for my clinic appointment with the specialist."

"That could be months away, the NHS is so fucked." Lily spat. "Will you at least see a doctor?"

"There's no point, once I've been handed off to the clinic, it's out of their hands." Remus sighed, "Please don't worry about me, Lily. I'll be back to normal soon."

Lily continued to stroke his hair, "So are you going to tell me who this mystery man is?"

"Just a guy I served last week. He was pretty cute. Told me to make myself a drink on him because it would taste better." Remus chuckled softly. "He wouldn't be offering to buy me a drink if he saw me like this."

"What have we said about the self deprecation?"

"I have a point though. He's not exactly going to want to run his hands through my sweaty hair like you do, you're weird."

"Why would he come looking for you, though." Lily pondered aloud.

"No idea." Remus attempted to sit up, groaning. "Fuck."

"Want to watch Bake Off?" Lily asked as she held his arm, supporting him. "I recorded some old ones." 

Remus nodded as he waited for the pain to subside. He really just wanted to sleep, but even though he felt ready to pass out, his body was having none of it. "Only if you make me a cup of tea."

"You drive a hard bargain, Mr Lupin." Lily pressed her lips to Remus' clammy forehead before heading to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you non-UK peoples, 111 is a number that you call when you need medical advice and you're not sure whether you should see a doctor or go to the emergency room or actually if you're ok and just having a bit of a panic.
> 
> They ALWAYS ask if you can put your chin to your chest, and I literally hate calling 111 more than most other things I hate, which is an extensive list.
> 
> Hope you've enjoyed my first venture into wolfstar, longtime lurker, first time writer! It feels very different to writing Fremione!


	2. Who do we hate?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already love writing for this pairing so much! 
> 
> I own nothing, except questionable taste in TV shows and a body that hates me most of the time.

Remus tried to manoeuvre around their pokey kitchen with his stick for support but found it was more of a hindrance than anything. He usually had some meals prepared in the freezer for when he had a flare but this one had really come on unexpectedly and it was all he could do to make a cup of tea and some toast. 

Lily had promised to make some bulk healthy, yet comforting meals for him later so he only had to cope until she got back from uni. They both had the entire weekend off and planned to do nothing but watch Netflix and vegetate. While Lily was prone to worrying about him, he couldn't ask for a better best friend, or flat mate. 

He was acutely aware that he had an essay due in a week, but knew already that he would need to apply for an extension. His brain felt like fluff. He tried to recall anything from the two episodes of Bake Off they’d watched last night, but even that was irretrievable. 

As he climbed back into bed, careful not to get any crumbs under the duvet, he suddenly went dizzy and clutched at the edge of the bed, setting his plate down with a clatter. He swore under his breath. Once he felt strong enough, he lowered himself onto the mountain of pillows at the head of his bed. He ate the toast slowly, not wanting to upset his stomach or make himself feel any more nauseated. He messaged Lily as he settled to watch Fuller House on Netflix. She'd questioned his viewing choices at first, but quickly learned that when he was in a flare, he wanted something that was feel good without being something that he had to pay much attention to.

**Werewolf McWerewolf**  
_Awooo.  
How’s school?_

**Flower Power**  
_Ah, he awakens._  
_Was beginning to worry you'd never wake up._  
_Good morning!_  
_(yes, I know it’s 3pm)_  
_School's dull af.  
_Why did I think a degree would be a good idea?__

_____ _

**Werewolf McWerewolf**  
_Because you're a masochist_  
_A sucker for punishment_  
_A complete headcase_  
_Because I told you that I planned to move half way across the country and you couldn’t bear to live without me._  
_…  
_I could go on.__

____

**Flower Power**  
_Oh shut up._  
_Bahahaha._  
_At least my degree might get me a job.  
_What are you going to do with a degree in creative writing?__

____

**Werewolf McWerewolf**  
_Um, write?_

**Flower Power**  
_Touché mon petit loulou._

**Werewolf McWerewolf**  
_What happened on bakeoff last night?  
I can't remember for the life of me._

**Flower Power**  
_Your babe went home and you cried._

**Werewolf McWerewolf**  
_Howard?!_  
_NO!_  
_He was everything I ever wanted to be._  
_I'm crushed._  
_What sent him home._  
_Was it sabotage?_  
_Oh fuck was it another Bin-Gate?_  
_Who do we hate?_

__

**Flower Power**  
_Some poor quality sweet dough sent him home._  
_Chill out._  
_He just did a pretty bad job.  
_You were very upset.__

____

**Werewolf McWerewolf**  
_Fucks sake Howard._  
_I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU_  
_WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU  
_Sweet and enriched dough week is always a toughie tho.__

__

**Flower Power**  
_Tru, tru._  
_Ugh, my project next term is gonna be unbearable.  
_Got to put a profit-making event on featuring the music students.__

____

**Werewolf McWerewolf**  
_That sounds pretty cool tbh._

**Flower Power**  
_You don't have lectures in the performance building._  
_They're all brooding, guitar carrying psychopaths._  
_They all congregate outside the main door smoking and you have to squeeze past them and just_  
_ugh_  
_I have to ask for submissions too and listen to them and choose people to put on_  
_oh fuck this is a nightmare_  
_send help_  
_RIP Lily  
_Death by second year__

_____ _

_____ _

**Werewolf McWerewolf**  
_I’ll help you listen you silly goose_  
_Make you tea._  
_Laugh at your pain.  
_It'll be ok.__

_____ _

_____ _

**Flower Power**  
_You’re too good to me, Lupin._

**Werewolf McWerewolf**  
_I'm aware.  
_Now hurry back and make me dinner, Evans.__

__

__

**Flower Power**  
_I’ll be back before you know it._

The worst things about flares, Remus decided, was his lack of attention span and information retention. It made it so that he couldn't even sit and read. He sipped his tea while trying to focus on the current episode of Fuller House. He couldn’t help but grin when the crowd whooped as John Stamos entered. His phone started vibrating and playing a convoluted parody of ‘Let it Go’ to remind him to take his medication. As if he’d forget today. He reached into one of his pillowcases and pulled out the carrier bag of tablets.

***

Sirius and James’ lecture had been a particularly dull affair, explaining about the collaboration between the music and events management courses. James and Sirius had spent the time attempting to write lyrics, and failing miserably. They had promised themselves that they’d head to the library after class, but it was already 6pm by the time they left the performance building and Sirius was complaining about being hungry.

“You’re always hungry.” James pointed out, not entirely helpfully. “You’re lucky you have such good metabolism.”

“We could take books home, I suppose.” 

“That’s a good idea, I’d forgotten that’s what libraries did.” Sirius snorted. “You’ll have to show me the Foucault from last night. I’m not sure how useful he’ll be in arguing a case for minority representation, but it can’t hurt to look.”

Sirius froze, “I, um, barely remember what I looked at yesterday, like at all.”

“What’s up?” James was a master at reading Sirius. “You look like a rabbit caught in the headlights.”

Sirius sighed, “I didn’t go to the library yesterday.”

“Then where did you go? You were all dressed up when I got home.” James’ eyes widened, “Do you have a secret boyfriend?”

Sirius choked on his own saliva, “No! Noth- Nothing like that. No.”

“Where did you go?” James asked again.

“When you went out with Pete and the football guys last week, I saw a flyer for a gay night at a new bar. So I went there and had a few drinks.” Sirius shrugged. 

“And you pulled? What’s his name?” James asked.

“I didn’t pull. It sounds bloody stupid now.” Sirius felt his cheeks burning and was grateful that it was almost dark. “I ordered a drink off this guy and I felt like we had a connection.”

“Did you get his number?” James was smirking now, Sirius was so easy to read.

“No, the next time I went to get a drink, he’d gone. So I went back last night, hoping he might be there.” Sirius stopped James before he could ask another thousand questions. “No, he wasn’t. He’s ill apparently. All I found out is that his name is Remus.”

“So you have one conversation with a bartender and you’re going back to see him the following week. That’s one hell of a marketing strategy.” James avoided Sirius’ attempt to push him over. “Is he gay? Do you at least know that much?” 

“I told you, I don’t know anything apart from his name. He could be married with nineteen kids for all I know.” Sirius went quiet, “I just felt a weird affinity with him. I know it sounds ridiculous.”

“Well, we’ll just have to go back next week, won’t we?” James slung his arm across Sirius’ shoulders as they reached James’ car.


	3. I am the show in this analogy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Texts happen.  
> Long ass texts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing, not even a fully functioning body.  
> Rude tbh.
> 
> Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing.
> 
> Comments are my lifeblood ;) ;) ;)

Marlene checked her phone, before the next episode of Fuller House loaded. “Remus, love. Dorcas says your favourite customer has been back looking for you.” Remus closed his eyes. It had been three weeks since he had served this guy and he didn't seem to be going anywhere soon. Remus didn't know why ether to be flattered or concerned. “She said he ordered a White Russian and asked if you were working tonight. Well at least he has decent taste in drinks. Lily said he was pretty too, yeah? When’s the last time you…’ There was something about Marlene’s southern Welsh accent that was so very musical, he almost didn’t listen to what she actually said. She looked up at him expectantly from where she had her head resting on his chest. “Re?”

“Maybe I should just never go back to work, just to see how long he’d keep coming back for. I’m sure Tony’s happy if he keeps coming in and buying drinks.” Remus laughed, yelping as Marlene poked him in the ribs. 

“That’s not nice, is it? You’ve still got no idea why he’s looking for you?” Remus shook his head, “Oh, hang on, Dori says that he’s got another bloke with him, but she doesn’t think they’re together because his friend can’t keep his eyes off our Lily.”

“Oh perfect, maybe we could double date.” Remus rolled his eyes, his flare had dragged itself out for almost three whole weeks and he was ready to start tearing his hair out. “I hope Lily talks to him and asks him why he wants to see me so desperately. It’s kind of unnerving.”

“Maybe he just thinks you’re devilishly handsome and wants to snog your face off.” Remus snorted, “Remus Lupin, are you implying that I have bad taste?” 

“A drunken shag during Freshers Week doesn’t mean that you thought I was devilishly handsome Marls, just that you probably should have stopped after seven tequila slammers.” Remus kissed the side of his friend’s head and she sighed. 

“No, the shag didn’t mean that, but the weeks of pining before I met Dori did.” 

Marlene had never been shy about telling Remus that she had been attracted to him, which had initially terrified Remus, much to Lily’s exasperation. She was gorgeous, and not in an unconventional way, but in a ‘really should be a model’ way. Her long golden hair fell in soft waves down to her waist, her cheekbones were to die for and she had a figure that made Lily seethe when she seemed to eat nothing but soft pretzels and poptarts. Marlene had really tried with Remus, she’d offered to take him out, offered to let him take her out, offered to stay in, offered a Skype date, she didn’t know at that point that Remus was ill or how much Remus’ health affected his confidence. Before she got to know him and understood, she was angry with him for a short while, but then she’d met Dorcas at a film society social, and the rest was history. Apart from Lily, Marlene was his best friend. Marlene, he found out later also had chronic pain and sometimes she just ‘got it’ more than Lily. She’d later confided in Remus that he was the first person that she’d been with who hadn’t reacted to the scars littering her stomach. Remus knew too well what it was like to feel self conscious about scars. In another life, they probably would have been a very good fit. 

“So yes, Remus maybe he _also_ has excellent taste. What did you talk about? You didn’t flirt with him or anything?”

“Have you ever known me flirt with anyone?” She spluttered before agreeing. She winced as she moved and instinctively he spun around “Stop moving, you’re recovering from surgery you twat.” His phone buzzed before Marlene could reply with something surely equally as sarcastic, “Lily said she’s on the case. Poor kid.”

***

“Dori, I’m gonna go and have a word. Give me a shout if we get busy.” Lily crossed the room to where the two men were sitting. “Hi. I understand you’re looking for Remus… um, again.”

“Yeah, we spoke before, briefly.” Sirius was really hoping that this tiny, fierce woman wasn’t going to make him explain why. ‘I just wondered if… you know?’ He looked up hopefully.

“Basically, Sirius here is pretty sure he had a _moment_ with your Remus, and he’s been looking for him ever since.” James leant across the table towards Lily, as Sirius cringed. “Oh, and I’m James, by the way.”

“That’s a very lovely Cinderella story guys.” Lily sat down. “Look… Sirius? Remus remembers you but he didn’t mention a _moment_. Not to me, anyway. I'm not being rude, I just don’t want you to get your hopes up.” 

“Has he quit?” Sirius asked, trying to hide his disappointment. “Does he not work here anymore? Can you at least let me know if I’m wasting my time? I’ve spent five weeks’ grocery money on your exquisite cocktails and I could do with making a fiscal plan or investing in company shares if I need to keep coming back.”

“He still works here, I don’t know when he’ll next be in, though. It’s complicated.” Lily thought for a moment, “He’ll probably hate me for this, but why don’t you give me your number to pass on to him. I can’t promise he’ll use it or anything.”

“You’d do that for a complete stranger?” Sirius’ eyes were bright, “Like, no offence but I could be an axe murderer.”

“I doubt you’ll get much murdering done by text.” Lily rolled her eyes as Dorcas shouted her name. “I’ve really got to get back to work, but if you leave it at the bar, I’ll make sure he gets it.”

“We’re _not_ axe murderers.” James blurted out, a little too quickly and a little too late. 

Lily nodded slowly before walking away and muttering, “Good to know, James.” 

***

“You said you’d pass on his number to me?” Remus breathed, “Oh great, no pressure then.”

“His friend left his number for Lily too.” Dorcas whispered to Marlene and Remus. Dorcas was sitting behind Marlene on Remus’ bed, propping her up, one arm wrapped protectively around her waist, carefully avoiding where she knew dressings were covering the latest keyhole incisions, the other holding a mug of Remus’ famous hot chocolate.

Dorcas had been extremely suspicious of Remus at first, she saw how much Marlene had been secretly hurt by Remus turning her down repeatedly and thought very little of the man until she met him. From then on, she was practically as enamoured as Marlene. 

“Re, he said you guys had a _moment_ I’m not going to break his heart. That’s your job.” She winked at him.

“That’s definitely your dynamic in this group, Re. You’ve broken all of our hearts.” Marlene teased.

“I’ve never broken Dori’s heart, and Lily doesn’t count. We were sixteen.” Remus raised an eyebrow at Lily.

“Yes, we were sixteen, I was looking forward to the rest of our lives together.” Lily wiped away a fake tear. “Then you left me, for bloody Caradoc Dearborn.”

“In my defence, he had a huge-”

“Text him!” Marlene grabbed Remus’ phone from under his pillow and unlocked it with her own thumbprint which earned a sigh from Remus, he was never napping in her company again. She added the number to Remus’ contact. “What did you way his name was, Lils?”

“Sirius.” 

“Like the star.” Remus nodded, almost glad that someone else had been named as unfortunately as he had.

“A match made in heaven already.” Dorcas leaned over Marlene’s shoulder to read what she was typing.

“I made him a drink.” Remus frowned at Lily, seemingly not noticing Marlene still holding his phone. “That’s it.”

“Yeah but you remember him.” Lily grinned.

"He insisted on buying me a drink and then blew me a kiss as he walked away. He was memorable. Plus y’know the hair, and the cheekbones, the leather jacket… and the eyes.” Remus mumbled the last few words then bit his lip nervously.

“His eyes?” Dorcas almost fell off the bed laughing, “Oh you are so incredibly gay, Re.”

“Was your clue when i said _his_ eyes or am I just putting a vibe out there?” He shook his head, chuckling. “I’m more interested about Lily and his mate, to be honest.”

"He was a bit much. I don't know. He just seemed too keen." Lily shrugged.

"You like guys who aren't keen on you? That explains Remus then." Marlene cackled.

"So are you going to text James, Lils?" Dorcas asked, setting her cup down so she could stroke her girlfriend's hair, which was in two fishtail braids today.

"Eh. I'll see, probably not. You need to text Sirius though, he's spending all of his grocery money in the bar." Lily laughed, "He's actually not bad. He just seems like a lost puppy in a weird sort of way. Text him!"

“No way am I texting him. He’s quite literally stalking me.” Remus pressed play on Netflix to hopefully postpone this conversation.

“Oops.” Marlene slid Remus’ phone back under his pillow.

***

“Do you think she’ll actually give it to him?” Sirius asked for the third time in the space of an hour, “No but do you actually think she will Jamie?”

“I don’t think she would have offered if she didn’t intend on following through with it.” James shrugged.

“Oh, what do you know, you don't even know her!” Sirius snapped.

“You don’t even know him.” James countered, calmly.

“You don’t even know-” Sirius froze, his phone had just vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out quickly and yelped. “James!”

James leapt over the back of the sofa, landing on top of Sirius, as they both read the surprisingly long message.

‘ **+777700 900009**  
_Hi Sirius, this is Remus’ number._  
My name is Marlene, I’m one of Remus’ friends.  
Long story short, he is awful at this kind of thing.  
Truly awful.  
Trust me.  
I took his phone.  
He doesn’t even know I’m sending this now.  
He’ll kill me later, but I hope it’ll be worth it.  
He def thinks you’re hot.  
He remembers you vividly.  
Hair, cheekbones, leather jacket, eyes.  
He’s just really really shit at dating or anything like that.  
Anything with people tbh.  
I’m really hoping that you’ll reply to this and hopefully that he’ll reply to that.  
You get me?  
Lily and I are having a wonderful time playing Cupid.  
Basically, we obv don't know you, and we only want the best for our Re, so this is the obligatory ‘if you hurt him, we murder you’ message.  
That may have been a bit premature.  
Soz, I’m on super strong painkillers rn.  
My gf is supervising now, it’s ok.  
Ok, so tell us about you.  
Are you a student?  
Netflix?  
Fave shows?  
Fave music?  
Fave books? (This is a biggie to Re.)  
Also, I don’t mean to come across as rude, Sirius.  
But why did you think that essentially stalking a guy who served you a drink once was the way to his heart?  
Like as a rule people who are in that kinda job have to be nice to you.  
In this case, Re might have been going above and beyond if ya get my drift.  
But yeah, just in case you’re an asshole who does this all the time. Don’t.  
Dori says I should stop now bc Re will notice any second and then you’ll be reading in the metro about the Gillway massacre.  
Ok  
So pls reply (you too Re, when you read this)  
Hope you’re having a pleasant evening.  
Lots of love  
Marlene, Dori and Lily xoxo’

“What the mother loving fuck?” Sirius re-read the barrage of messages.

“I’d say it’s better than nothing, mate.” James was holding in laughter, his shoulders shaking, “You gonna reply?”

“You think I should?”

“Really? You spend all that time _stalking_ him, as she so nicely put it, and now you’re put off by his drugged up mate. Come on!” James grabbed Sirius’ phone, but he snatched it back.

“No! I’m going to reply myself. I don’t want him to think I’m not capable of… I don’t know what. But I’m going to reply.” Sirius nodded curtly, but James could tell that his brother was stressed.

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart. <3**  
_‘Hi Remus? (and Dori, Lily and Marlene maybe? Idk this is kinda weird.)_  
I’d say thanks for messaging me, but you didn’t.  
Oh wow that sounded rude. Sorry.  
Fuck.  
Well it appears I’m also awful at this.  
Hi, I’m Sirius.  
You served me a drink that one time.  
Yeah, I’m a student. 2nd year Popular Music :) wbu?  
I am the proud owner of a Netflix subscription, which I share with my brother, Jamie.  
He mooches off me.  
I have shocking taste in television, according to him.  
I love Full House, Friends, Big Bang Theory, The Office, Parks and Rec, Riverdale, Drag Race.  
Loads of stuff really.  
Music wise, I’m open to most genres. I love Queen and The Beatles though.  
Also Beyonce and Little Mix.  
Gaga  
T. Swift  
Abba.  
Tim Minchin. Have you heard of him?  
Wide variety. Y’know.  
Books.  
I'll be honest  
I was forced into reading loads of classics and heavy stuff as a kid and it put me off until the last year or so.  
Jane Eyre is my fave non-contemporary fiction.  
I love music autobiographies too.  
I also was addicted to The Princess Diaries books last year.  
I'm currently reading a really cool book about music videos as discourse.  
Kinda fun  
Idk  
Thats a tough question.  
I don’t really know.  
Honestly if you said to me that you’re not interested, I would back off.  
I swear.  
I’m not a creepy stalker.  
Though I now realise how it looked.  
Fuck.  
Wow.  
Oh god.  
Please don’t murder your friends.  
They were trying to help, I think.  
So yeah, that’s me.  
I really hope to hear back fro you.  
Even if it's to tell me to fuck off or whatever.  
But no pressure.  
In the words of Queen  
‘The show must go on’  
I am the show in  
in this analogy  
I’m gonna go now  
Goodnight Remus :) x 

***

**“MARLENE!”**


	4. Remus John Lupin, this is an intervention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I've apparently written enough to update again.
> 
> So here it is *jazz hands*
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

“How angry was he?” Dorcas asked Lily, “I know he called Marls but she wouldn’t tell me what he said.”

“I don’t know if he was angry or not really. Obviously he was a bit mad that she messaged him without him knowing, but Sirius replied, and what he said was cute, I guess?” Lily shrugged. “If you’re into that kind of thing. He’s a music student though. Low key judging him for that.”

“Does that mean James is too?” Dorcas grinned. “I know how much you _love_ music students, Lil.”

“No idea, haven’t been in touch.” Lily avoided Dorcas’ eyes.

“Lily! I _will_ bring Marlene over and she _will_ take your phone and do it for you.”

“When have I got time to date Dori? Between uni and work and Remus and you guys and eating and sleeping?” She sighed. 

“You have to _make_ time, you dumb fuck.” Dorcas laughed as Lily frowned at her. “He’s cute, right?”

“I guess.”

“And he didn’t seem like he was a twat, like Sev?”

“I guess.” Lily grimaced at the mention of Sev, her UKIP voting, racist, sexist, homophobic ex-boyfriend from first year. “Though I doubt anyone else could be _that_ much of a twat.”

“Then throw caution to the wind! Text. Him.” Dorcas poked Lily in the ribs.

“And say what? Sorry, I know that it’s been two weeks but I-”

“But you…?” She was interrupted by someone at the bar. She looked up and saw Sirius.

“Oh, god.” Lily covered her face with her hands and shook her head.

“Sirius, actually, but close enough.” He grinned at her as he took a seat on one of the extremely uncomfortable bar stools.

“You’re back again?” Dorcas asked, pointedly.

“Certainly am.” His eyes flicked over to the other girl as he leant on the bar, casually.

“Drink?” Lily asked, Sirius shook his head.

“Not today, thanks Lily. I just came here to-”

“You got Remus’ number, what do you want now? His blood type? Inside leg measurement?” Dorcas said, snippily.

Sirius’ smile faded, he blanched at her tone. “While all of that information may be useful in my ideal future, no thank you.” He sighed, “Look, he hasn’t replied to me, and I told him that if he told me to, that I would back off and leave him alone. I’m assuming his lack of response is his way of doing that and I didn’t want to text him again and him think that I was pressuring him or have him read into it as a passive aggressive thing and…” He paused, “I know I’m rambling. I… Fuck. Can you just tell him that I get that he isn’t interested, and it’s cool, it was nice meeting him, however briefly, and if I ever see him around campus or here I’m not going to be weird or anything, and if he ever wants to be friends or something in the future, then I’d be totally down for that.”

“Sirius…” Lily trailed off, looking to Dorcas for support. 

“He’s been really busy. He probably hasn’t fully processed your messages.” Dorcas looked uncomfortable. 

“But thank you for being so lovely about it. I’ll let him know what you said.” Lily smiled at Sirius. Whatever she’d been expecting when he appeared opposite her, it wasn’t what had come out of his mouth. “Honestly, I think he should talk to you, but he can be stubborn. He’s such an arsehole sometimes, you wouldn’t believe.”

“Lily, you’re making me want him more, stop.” Sirius winked at her. “Thank you both, anyway.” He stood up to leave then asked, “Sorry, are you Marlene or Dorcas?”

“I’m Dorcas, nice to finally meet you Mr…?”

“Black, Sirius Black.” Sirius frowned slightly as he gave his name. Dorcas reached across the bar for his hand and shook it firmly. “Please thank Marlene for trying too. Her messages were hilarious.”

“She just had surgery, she’s on a metric shit tonne of Tramadol and it makes her a bit loopy.” Dorcas smiled fondly. 

“Oh, then please also tell her I said ‘get well soon’?” Dorcas nodded. Sirius turned to go, “James said hi, too.” He waved as he strode back out of the chrome doors.

“Fuck. If I was straight, I’d be all over that.” Dorcas laughed. “What the fuck is wrong with Re?”

“He’s just bad at dating stuff. You didn't hear this from me, ok? After him and me... fizzled, he went out with this guy called Caradoc for like, two years, and he turned out to be an absolute prick. Not as bad as Sev, but still… just gross in his own way. He was so manipulative and jealous and... Oh fuck he makes me so mad, Dori. Like, Remus turned 18 six months before we started uni and me and Re would be out drinking and he’d just turn up and pretend it was a coincidence. We’re pretty sure that he somehow had a way to track Re’s phone.”

“Thats fucking disgusting.” Dorcas spat.

“Then when Remus told him he was going to uni over 300 miles away, he gave him an ultimatum. Him or uni.” Lily paused, “So we almost ended up not coming. His mum was furious. Told Re some home truths and then told Caradoc some home truths and then when Remus didn’t back him up and took his mum’s side, Caradoc broke up with him. Turns out that he’d been cheating on Re for months anyway.”

“Well that explains why Marls terrified him.” Dorcas was frowning. “Why are people like this? This is why I hate people.”

“You hate people because people are shit.” Lily laughed. “He’s alright now. It took him a while to process it, y’know. I think Sirius would be good for him, even if they were just friends, he actually seems… nice?”

***

“Remus John Lupin, this is an intervention.” Lily stood in Remus' doorway with her hands on her hips.

“No, Lily, this is quite obviously a fancy dress sleepover to celebrate my release from hospital. What have you come as? A munchkin?” Remus, Marlene and Dorcas were all on Remus’ bed wearing onesies. Marlene’s was a panda, Dorcas a lion and Remus’ was a sparkly grey wolf. “There’s one for you, there.”

Lily picked up a tan coloured onesie, confused. 

“It’s Bambi, because you’re like a newborn deer most of the time.” Marlene grinned. “Falling over, spilling shit everywhere, like Bambi. It’s cute. Dori made them.”

Lily huffed before unzipping the onesie and stepping into it. “This is still an intervention.” She muttered, settling next to Remus.

“Why?” Remus had been hospitalised for ten days after vomiting constantly from being in so much pain and becoming severely dehydrated. It took them four days to get him to a state whereby he could drink water without bringing it back up again, using IV antiemetics and fluids. He'd had blood tests, X-rays, MRIs and ultrasounds. They understood Remus' underlying condition but wanted to check that it wasn't anything other than a very bad flare. He hated staying in hospital and at one point was going so stir crazy that he debated texting Sirius and asking him to help bust him out. 

“You should text Sirius back.” Lily said, matter-of-factly, “He seems nice. Even if you don't want to shag him or date him. Be his friend. It would be nice to have more friends, I don’t know. I just think you should text him.”

“He came back to the bar, didn’t he?” Remus rolled his eyes. “Lils, you know why-”

“Re, it’s been over a year. I know. I’m not telling you to marry him. Just see what he’s like.” 

“Did you text his friend, Lily?” Marlene asked.

“That’s not the point, Marls. The point is that Remus should put himself back out there.”

“Lily, please. Drop it.” Remus looked very serious, Lily nodded, feeling more than a little put out.

“Ok.” She said, changing the subject. “Well, before we watch whatever musical you guys have cued, I have to choose two artists for my show. Can you help me pick. I’ve been sent some tracks but they're all anonymous to prevent people picking their friends, I guess?”

They listened to the seven tracks that had been submitted to Lily. The event she had proposed was in the bar they worked in, but it was going to be dark fairy tale theme. Lily had already been sourcing fake foliage and more glitter than anyone could possibly need, according to Remus. 

The first was average, a girl and a guitar and the song was about having time in life to do things and travelling. Dorcas and Marlene were almost sold, until Remus let out a laugh at one of her clichés. 

"If there's a music video for this, it's just her walking through a field, i guarantee." Dorcas added.

Second and third were awful. They all asked how these people had ever been accepted onto a music course. First was an attempt at a folk band, doing a traditional Irish song about whiskey being the devil. They all cheered when Lily clicked decline next to the name of the song. Then there was a male singer/songwriter who couldn't really play the guitar and appeared to be singing in a different key to which he was playing. 

The fourth submission was easily the best. The song was called LOL and it was about the little old lady who lived in a shoe, but it was dark and it was funny, and everyone died at the end. Musically it was good, the guys singing it sounded great together and they were all laughing, but not _at_ the song. When it ended, Lily looked at her friends.

“Yeah?” 

“Lily, the theme is dark fairytales, they've written a song to match your theme pretty much. It’s funny, I say yeah.”

“Yeah, what Re said.” Marlene nodded.

“Ok, first act chosen.” Lily grinned as she ticked the box next to their submission.

The rest of the songs weren’t bad, and the second one Lily chose was a soulful song that seemed to be either about loving someone or murdering someone. Marlene loved it and waxed lyrical about the language used and the metaphor. Remus high-fived her and agreed with Lily that it should be the second act.

Lily sent off the response to all of the submissions to her tutor along with constructive feedback for those not chosen. 

“Can we listen to the lady in the shoe song again?” Dorcas asked. 

**Remus**   
_Thanks for what you said to Lils and Dori. Let's get a drink next week._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song mentioned about the little old lady in the shoe is based on a song that a friend and I wrote at uni called LOL
> 
> Use your imagination and imagine that we're two pretty 20 year old boys, i guess?
> 
> Here' a link.
> 
> https://soundcloud.com/shortstoof/lol


	5. Wakey Wakey, vegetables and sadness

“Pads! Paaaads! We got picked to play at all of the shows that we submitted to!” James jumped on Sirius’ bed. “We got five gigs!”

“James, it’s not even eight yet. Kindly fuck off.”

“Wake up! This is important. The Marauders finally have gigs! Also, do you know who’s running the dark fairytale show?” James grinned as Sirius shook his head slowly. “Lily.”

Sirius sat up, “Lily as in Remus’ Lily.”

“Yep. Though probably don't actually refer to her as that. She liked our Facebook page this morning and messaged us telling us the details.” James’ face was hurting from all of the grinning. 

“She still hasn’t texted you back though, Prongs.” Sirius laughed.

“Neither has Remus, Pads.” James fired back.

“He texted me last night, actually. Suggested we go for a drink next week.”

“What? And you weren’t jumping on my bed for joy?” James said, “I’m offended.”

“It’s not a big deal. I’m pretty sure he’s not interested, but might want to be friends. Which is better than nothing, you know.”

“It’s also going to be bloody difficult, I imagine.” James pondered, “Yeah you get to look at his face all the time, but you’re gonna have to reign yourself in all the time, too.”

“Well, I’ll manage I’m sure. It's not like I'm not used to having to reign myself in. I did it for 16 years, didn't I?” Sirius said. “Can I go back to sleep now?”

“Nope, we’ve got studio time booked at nine. Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey, bitch!”

"What if I'm suddenly vegan? That would be super insensitive." Sirius said, pedantically.

"Then I'd say 'Wakey Wakey, vegetables and sadness', you facetious motherfucker."

Sirius groaned and pulled the black duvet back over his head. “Whyyy?”

“Because we have to record the torture song for the EP.” James pulled the duvet off Sirius, who shrieked. “You aren’t wearing clothes at all.” James said flatly.

Sirius grabbed the duvet back and pouted. “I wasn’t expecting to be exposed by my own brother.”

“Come on, you’re awake now. Studio! Studio!” James chanted until Sirius crawled out of bed. 

***

“Girls’ night on Friday, Re. Mocktails, Munchies and Movies. You in?” Marlene asked, absentmindedly tracing a scar on Remus’ arm.

“I can’t do Friday, I have plans.” Remus mumbled.

“What?” Marlene’s head snapped to face him, her hand gripping his arm.

“I have plans.” He shrugged.

“Studying? Because I know you’re not working.” Dorcas looked up from Marlene to Remus, narrowing her eyes.

“I’m just going for a drink with a friend, it’s not a big deal.” Remus looked at them both, quietly defiant.

“Does this someone own a leather jacket and the cheekbones of a deity?” Dorcas grinned.

“Yep.” Remus was suddenly very interested in his phone. “He certainly does.”

“Are you serious?” Marlene’s mouth was open. 

“No, I’m Remus. Honestly Marls, I’m hurt. We _made love_ , you should know who I am.” He looked up at her, his dusty green eyes twinkling.

Marlene cackled loudly. “Fuck. But are you really going for a drink with him?”

“Yes, it’s just a drink, though. Don’t go getting any fanciful ideas about us skipping off into the sunset holding hands or whatever.” 

“More like skipping off into an alley holding dicks if I know you.” Dorcas muttered. 

“That was one time, and I believe that you encouraged that whole-heartedly at the time Ms Meadowes.”

“I’m not being discouraging Remus, darling, just stating facts.” Dorcas pushed his shoulder lightly.

“I have no agenda, we’re just going for a drink.”

“So you’ve been texting him?” Marlene’s face lit up.

“A bit, yeah.” Remus felt his face getting warmer.

“What have you been saying? Keeping it PG I hope.” Dorcas chipped in.

“Just talking about normal stuff.” Remus shrugged, “Uni and stuff. He’s playing at Lily’s show.”

“He was one of the Little old Lady guys?” Marlene shrieked.

“Yeah. Weird, right?” Remus laughed. 

“This town is way too small.” Dorcas rolled her eyes.

***

“He said LOL was funny, James.” Sirius pounced on James as he came out of the vocal booth.

“LOL _is_ funny. It's supposed to be funny.” James smirked. “Not getting your hopes up then?”

“It’s just nice to finally get to talk to someone who isn't you or Pete, y’know.” Sirius frowned. “I can be happy about things that he says without wanting to marry him or shag him, y’know.”

“Whatever you say, Pads. Now are you ready to do another vocal take?”

The ‘torture’ song was a lot darker than the first song they had recorded, but also retained some of the comedy. The chorus was something Sirius had been writing about his ex boyfriend, Frank, who had unceremoniously left Sirius for his ‘flatmate’, Alice. Sirius had suspected for a while that Frank was seeing someone else, and was suspicious of the way Frank and Alice behaved, but Frank had always told him that he had nothing to worry about and it was all just ‘banter’. 

“Don't say a word,” sang Sirius brashly, “You’ve said enough for both of us.”

Sirius had seen a text pop up on Frank’s phone thanking him for ‘a magical evening’, again he’d been called jealous and possessive, and told not to worry. Frank told him that he saw Alice as a sister, and wasn’t attracted to her at all.

“Don’t say a word,” Sirius felt so much catharsis just by singing these words, “Because it’s getting harder to trust.”

When Sirius had walked in on Frank and Alice at first he tried to reason with himself. The living room was empty but a trail of clothes led to Frank’s room. Sirius paused before he knocked, but he knew what he could hear through the door. He threw the door open, announcing his presence without having to say a word. Frank and Alice were speechless.

“Frank, love, why are you balls deep in someone you only see as a sister?” Sirius was unnaturally calm as Frank spluttered. “If you find anything of mine, drop it round to Pete.”

Sirius left Frank’s building still unnervingly calm. A month later, he saw an flyer advertising a gay night at one of the new bars in town and decided that the time had come to put himself back out there.

***

“You didn’t tell me?” Lily asked Remus, calmly.

“I didn’t want to make a big deal of it and then make myself anxious beforehand. It’s just a drink, it’s not a date or anything, but you know how I get.” Remus looked Lily in the eye. “I would have told you afterwards.”

“I know.” She said softly. “Did you hear about-”

“Sirius and James being the Little Old Lady guys? Yeah, he told me.” Remus smiled. “Any news from James?”

Lily rolled her eyes, “Re, I’m sure he’s nice. I don’t have time to date and I just wasn’t _that_ into him.”

“Oh, ok.” Remus nodded, “I thought you weren’t sure. I’ll drop it. Sorry.”

“Thanks.” Lily threw her arm around Remus’ waist. “I’ll do my best not to tease you about Friday, now I know it’s not a date.” She paused, “Though it _should_ be a date, if you ask me.”

“I didn’t.” 

“I know.” Lily leaned into him, “Look, since Caradoc you’ve been with other people.”

“Marlene, Emmeline and Kingsley don’t count. One night stands don’t count.”

“What about six night stands?” Lily teased.

“I don’t want to be with someone." He shook his head, "No, that's- Well, I don’t want anyone to be with me, I guess. I don’t want them to have to look after me when I’m sick and I can’t get out of bed. When I’m pouring with sweat and shivering and I can't keep anything down and I'm dry heaving into the toilet. When I cry because I’m so frustrated that I can’t do anything. When I can't even read because my brain can't even take in words. It’s humiliating. I don’t want them to feel embarrassed because I have to walk with a stick sometimes and people stare. I can’t remember anything half the time. I'm useless at gauging how sick I am so I put off getting help until I end up in the hospital. I’m not putting this burden on someone else, it’s bad enough that I burden you and Marls and Dori. I probably won’t be able to hold down a job after uni, I don’t remember the last time that I handed uni work in on time. I’m not going to inflict myself on someone. Not gonna happen.” Remus was shaking. “I won’t let it.”

“You are utterly ridiculous.” Lily looked furious, “Do you know why we look after you when you’re sick? Do you know why I make you food? Why Marls goes and buys your favourite chocolate from Honeydukes, because it’s not stocked in the local shop or the supermarket anymore? Why Dori reads to you when you can’t focus on the words? Because we love you, and you love us. You let us in.”

“Yes, but-”

“Bollocks, Re. If you didn’t let us help you, you’d be fucked. You had to give us a chance at some point, why can’t you do that for other people?”

“Lily.” Remus’ eyes were threatening tears. “I can’t.”

She sighed, there was no reasoning with him past this point. “Fine.”

“I love you.” He muttered as he pulled her in for a hug. “I’m sorry.”

“I love you too. I just want you to be happy.” Lily sniffed. “You’re my best friend, and I hate that I can’t make you better, or even feel better.”

“You _do_ make me feel better, all the time.” He squeezed her, “You keep me as sane as I am. You’re my rock. You’re my person.”

“If you get on well with Sirius, please don’t push him away. Give him a chance.” Lily whispered.

“I’ll try.” Remus conceded, “He seems like a good person.”


	6. I like complicated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally, sorry not sorry. 
> 
> I own nothing but angst.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” James crooned as Sirius looked in the mirror for the last time.

“That gives me a lot of scope, thanks Jamie.”

“You’re a little shit, you know that?” James ruffled Sirius hair, making the shorter man yelp.

“Do you know how long it took me to do my hair?” Sirius said through gritted teeth.

“Thirty seven minutes and nineteen seconds.” James deadpanned.

“Then there’s no excuse for you thinking it’s ok to mess it up, you heathen.” Sirius tried to fix it, but gave up in the end and scooped it up into a messy bun. “It’s fine. It’s not like it's a date or anything. If it were, you’d be in trouble.”

James and Sirius looked at each other and said, at the same time, “You’re in big trouble, mistuh.” They laughed uncontrollably at their synchronicity in quoting Full House, until Sirius realised that he needed to leave.

“Sirius.” James wheedled, tilting his head to one side. “If it’s not a date, why have you tidied your room and made your bed?”

“Go fuck yourself.” Sirius flipped James off as he slammed the door.

***

“You’re sure I should go? What if he thinks it’s a date?” Remus was pacing and Lily had her head in her hands.

“Did you categorically tell him that it wasn’t a date?”

“Several times.” Remus muttered.

“Then he won’t think it’s a date. I’ve spoken to him more than you have and he seems like a genuine guy.” Lily looked up. “Just go. Have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Thanks for the free pass.” Remus winked at her and before she could stand up and hit him, he slipped out of the door.

The pub that Remus had suggested they meet in was only a few minutes walk from his flat. He walked slowly, debating turning around with almost every footfall until he saw Sirius waiting outside. Sirius noticed him immediately and waved. He was even better looking than Remus remembered and he was cursing himself that he’d agreed to this.

“Sorry I’m late, I’m normally unreasonably early.” Remus flushed.

“Sorry that I was early, I’m normally unreasonably late.” Sirius grinned at him before gesturing to the pub, “Shall we?”

“Sure.” 

Sirius insisted on buying the first round of drinks, remembering that Remus said he couldn’t really drink, when he asked for a blackcurrant squash, he didn’t press him to have something stronger and settled for a diet coke himself.

“You not drinking?” Remus asked, surprised, when Sirius returned.

“I drove here, and I don’t want to make you feel weird if I’m drinking and you’re not, y’know?” Sirius shrugged, “That made sense in my head.”

“That’s really kind.” Remus smiled. “Not many people are so thoughtful.”

“I try.”

“So tell me about how this Little Old Lady song came about then?” Remus’ eyes were bright.

“We have a module called ‘Dark Sound’ and we have to make an EP based on dark themes and dark sounds and Jamie and I decided that we fancied rewriting a nursery rhyme and that was the one that fit best. The other three songs are quite different, there’s one about torturing someone who you don’t trust anymore, one is a sea shanty and the last one is a comparison between toys and domestic abuse.” Sirius babbled, “I work more on the lyrics and melody and then we both work on the music and Jamie has creative control over the mixing side of things. It’s a really good arrangement.”

“That sounds like it’s going to be really interesting. The lyrics to the Little Old-”

“Call it LOL, it saves hours.” Sirius grinned.

“The lyrics to LOL were very well written. Septuple bunk bed? How do you come up with that stuff?” Sirius was positively beaming at him now. “It’s very unusual that ‘comedy’ songs make me laugh. Wow. That sounds _really_ pretentious but it takes people like Minchin and Lehrer to really make me laugh. It needs to be smart too, if that makes sense?”

“You _do_ know who Tim Minchin is!” Sirius half-shrieked, “I worship the man. I’ve been to see him live four times. I saw him at the Royal Albert Hall with a full orchestra and I almost passed out.”

“Have you seen Matilda?” Remus asked.

“Only the once, but it was so good. Have you?” 

“Twice. I love it. I love musicals in general, though.” Remus shrugged. “Lily always tells me that my gay is showing.” 

“I’m definitely more of a leather jacket gay than a musicals gay.”

“I’m a musicals and books and chocolate pan.” Remus chuckled as Sirius tilted his head to one side.

“Oh! Pan! I thought you meant like a saucepan, because of the chocolate.” Sirius seemed flustered, “That’s cool though.”

“I should just come out and say it that I’m really not looking to date or anything at all. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, but I also don’t want you to think it’s you or anything. It’s complicated.”

“I like complicated.” Sirius stuck his jaw out defiantly. 

“You won’t.” Remus said quietly. 

“I’m not going to pressure you into telling me, but if you ever want to, I’m all ears.” Sirius smiled sadly at him. “It’s a shame because you’re fucking gorgeous, Remus. But if all we’re meant to be is friends, then I shall happily accept that.”

Remus quirked an eyebrow at Sirius, “You’re really fucking weird.”

“I’m aware.”

“You’re also hot as fuck.” Remus felt his cheeks growing warm. “If I was in a … If I was… I’d…”

“Thanks.” Sirius’ smile was genuine. “I know I may have come across as a stalker and weird and an arsehole after we first met.”

“It was disturbing and endearing in equal measures.” Remus smirked, “I don’t get hit on as a rule.”

“Well that’s wrong.” Sirius frowned. 

“I don’t mind.” Remus laughed, “It’s less complicated that way.”

“It doesn’t have to be complicated.”

“But it _is_ ” Remus frowned, “If you’re not going to listen to me-”

“No, I’m sorry. I just want to understand.” Sirius sighed, “Change the subject?”

“Ok.” Remus nodded, but still looked uncomfortable.

“What are you writing at the moment?” Sirius asked.

“It’s a short story, about a boy who gets bitten by a werewolf when he’s four and how it affects him growing up.” Remus grimaced, “It’s not a particularly happy story, but I’ve found it to be a really good way of venting.”

“Is this your way of telling me that you’re a werewolf, Remus?” Sirius winked.

“Yep, that’s my secret out. I won’t date because I’m terrified of them finding out and that I’ll end up biting them.” Remus managed a smile.

“I mean, I’d date you even if you were a werewolf.”

“It’s not as simple as that, it’s-”

“Complicated, yeah.” Sirius said.

“Maybe this was a mistake.” Remus’ head was almost in his hands before Sirius caught it in his.

“I know I come on a bit strong, but I just got a weird feeling when we met. I’m impulsive, it makes Jamie so mad sometimes.”

“How’s he taken Lily not being interested?” Remus asked.

“I mean, while I’m more impulsive, James is more persistent so he’s probably scheming ways to woo her as we speak.” Sirius grinned.

“Oh, she _will_ be thrilled.” Remus’ grin almost matched Sirius’. “I really thought she liked him at first, but then she started going on about how she has no time to date and then said she wasn’t that into him.”

“That’s a shame, he’s really into her. Y’know, based on that one time that they met.”

“You can talk!” Remus rolled his eyes.

“Touche.”

“So Lily’s been singing your praises. She said you seem like a decent human being.” Remus took a sip of his squash.

“I wouldn’t go that far.” Sirius laughed. “I’m surprised she hasn’t claimed you for herself, the way she’s protective of you.”

“We tried that a few years ago, didn’t work out.” Remus bit his lip nervously. “We’re just really close.”

“Ah, and Marlene and Dori?”

“Dorcas is a lesbian but yes, I got with Marlene during freshers week.” Remus wasn’t at all comfortable with where this was going. “Though I don’t know why I’m-”

“Two out of three, not bad. You sure you’re into guys?” 

“Sorry, am I not gay enough for you, just because I’ve slept with women?” Remus was instantly transported back a few years to when Caradoc had repeatedly asked him if he was sure that he liked men, purely because of his relationship with Lily, and he was suddenly furious.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, you know that’s-”

“Forget it. Thanks for the drink.” Remus slammed down a pound coin on the table before storming out of the bar. Sirius was left with half of the bar staring after Remus and the other half looking at him particularly judgementally.

“Fuck.”


	7. Hope Sirius is ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh no, more angst.

Remus was pacing again. Lily, Marlene and Dorcas had been on the sofa watching The Office when he’d flown through the door, marched through the flat and slammed his bedroom door behind him. He’d taken some coaxing out but as soon as he mentioned that Sirius had asked if Remus was sure he was attracted to men, she understood. She had stood by Remus throughout his rollercoaster of a relationship with Caradoc, and she knew better than to push him on this.

While she knew that to most people, it would seem as though Remus was overreacting, she knew that Remus was sensitive to people questioning his sexuality because of Caradoc. She pulled out her phone, and composed a message to the number she’d sworn she wouldn’t use.

 

**+44700 900240**  
_Hi James, it’s Lily._  
_Remus just got home._  
_He’s kinda upset._  
_It’s not my place to tell you why, but it’s not Sirius’ fault, it was just kinda a trigger, I guess?_  
_Please tell Sirius not to take it personally._  
_Idk, I just felt like I should let you and Sirius know the score._  
_Sorry for not texting before._  
_Hope Sirius is ok._

She slid her phone back into her pocket and sighed. She’d thought that Sirius was a good fit for Remus, and he probably still was. It would just be a case of getting Remus to see that.

***

_“I can’t stay tonight, I’m going over to Lily’s to revise for English. We’re going to watch both Pride and Prejudices.” Remus smiled up at his boyfriend, until he saw the look on his face. “Don’t be like that. You want me to pass my A Levels, right?”_

_Caradoc said nothing but huffed and moved pointedly away from Remus who sighed and got to his feet._

_“I guess I’ll talk to you later, then.”_

_“When were you planning to tell me about you and Lily?” Caradoc said._

_“You already know about Lily and I, Caradoc.” Remus frowned._

_“I know about what happened before we got together, I meant what’s happening now.”_

_“How many times do I need to tell you that Lily is just my friend before you believe me?” Remus shook his head in disbelief._

_“A friend that you’ve seen naked, that you slept with for over a year, and spend _all_ of your time with.” Caradoc snarled. “When you told me you’d been with girls before, I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you.”_

_“So because I’m not exclusively gay, that means I’m cheating on you?” Remus sat back down, “Can you explain that logic to me?”_

_“Well you obviously just can’t decide what you want. Lily’s not a model, but she’s pretty enough, I suppose. You fucked her. Then you decide you want me and that clearly hurt Lily and-”_

_“That’s between Lily and I. We were over before you and I had even been on a date. I have never cheated on anyone. I’m fed up of your accusations, and for the record, Lily is more beautiful than any model I have ever seen. You’re being a real twat.”_

_“Ok, fine. Go and see her.” Caradoc folded his arms, face mutinous._

_“Are you ever going to drop this? Are you ever going to stop judging me for not being solely into men?” Remus asked, calmly._

_“As long as Evans is in the picture? I doubt it.”_

_“So you’re asking me to choose?” Remus sighed again._

_“Asking. Telling. It’s all the same, really.” Caradoc turned back to Remus and sneered. “Though if you can’t give her up, I guess I’ll have my answer.”_

_“You’re being utterly ridiculous.” Remus breathed, “How are you going to cope when I go off to Uni?”_

_“You’re going to Uni?”_

_“I told you that I was applying months ago.” Remus shrugged, “Lily and I have applied for the same places, are you going to be able to cope with that?”_

_“Well you’re not going far though?” Caradoc suddenly looked worried._

_“The closest we’ve applied to is Bath Spa, which is still over 100 miles away.” Remus said, matter-of-factly._

_“You didn’t think to run this by me first?”_

_“I didn’t think I needed to, seeing as it’s _my_ life.” Remus was suddenly very done. He stood to finally leave. “I’m going now, or I’ll be late.”_

_“Yeah, fuck off. Fucking bullshitting straight prick.”_

_“Fuck you.” Remus’ eyes narrowed and he swiftly left the room before either of them did something they’d regret.”_

***

**James**  
_Yeah Sirius just got back._  
_He’s so confused._  
_He thought it was going well??_  
_He’s kinda broken up about it._  
_He had a really shitty break up a couple of months ago and your Remus was the first person he’d been into since._  
_Sorry Remus is upset, Sirius would never do that on purpose._  
_Thanks for letting us know._  
_Hope you’re all ok._

***

Sirius lay on the floor of his room, staring up at the glow in the dark constellations that he and Frank had stuck up there just a few months before. There was no way he’d get any sleep tonight, which in turn probably meant that he’d miss tomorrow’s 9am studio session, or show up so buzzed on coffee and red bull that anything he played or sang would probably be unusable.

James had read Lily’s texts to him over and over, but he still didn’t understand it. He really felt like he and Remus were having a good time, and he had only been making a flippant comment. He had no idea of how it would affect Remus. James had also given him a short lecture on bi-erasure after this, in case Sirius thought it wise to question people’s orientation regularly.

There was a knock at his door. He checked the clock, it was already 7am.

“Wakey wakey, vegetables and sadness.” James poked his head around the door. “You have a perfectly good bed there, Pads.”

“I can’t achieve the same melancholy attitude on the bed, though.” Sirius said, sitting up slowly. “Should I even bother going in?”

“You’re awake, you might as well. You’ll just fuck up your sleep pattern if you don’t. I’ll do most of my stuff today so you only need to press record.”

“You’re the best.” Sirius got to his feet and started rummaging through his wardrobe where he’d thrown the clothes that had previously littered his bedroom floor the previous night.

“How are you feeling?” James asked, cautiously.

“Odd. But that’s probably more to do with not sleeping.” He shrugged.

“You know that it wasn’t vindictive and it wasn’t anything you did wrong, other than make a joke that he was sensitive about. You weren’t to know, though. Don’t beat yourself up.” James pulled his brother into a hug. “I know you liked him, but he obviously wasn’t the one.”

“Hey, we haven’t talked about Lily actually texting you.” Sirius grinned at James.

“Only to talk about you.”

“And you haven’t been incessantly replying, every hour, on the hour?” Sirius smirked.

“Nope, she made it clear she’s not interested.” James shrugged.

“Incredible.” James tackled Sirius to the ground and tickled him.


	8. You look shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Remus looks really shit.  
> Like REALLY shit.
> 
> I own nothing, except the same condition as Remus, and I'm super salty about it :')

Remus didn’t know if it was the stress of the whole meeting-with-Sirius-that-was-in-no-way-a-date-thank-you-very-much-Lily thing, or how much he was mentally berating himself about the meeting-with-Sirius-that-was-in-no-way-a-date-thank-you-very-much-Lily thing non-stop, but within a few days he felt another flare coming on. He had two really important lectures on the Wednesday and dragged himself out of bed to attend.

“You alright mate?” Remus opened his eyes. He hadn’t even realised they’d been shut. A girl with shoulder length bubblegum pink hair was standing over him, looking concerned and bemused simultaneously.

“Yeah, yeah I’m ok. Sorry. Do I really look that shite?” He tried to laugh but it hurt his ribs too much so it ended up as more of a wheezy grimace.

“Didn’t know if you were napping or unconscious or what. And no, you just look all shaky and pale and…” She gestured in his general direction, “Clammy?”

“Yeah, I’m a bit under the weather.” Remus said quietly. 

“Anything contagious?” The girl looked at him shrewdly. He shook his head, bewildered. “Mind if I join you then?” He shook his head again. “I’m Tonks.”

“Remus.” He took a sip from his cup of tea, it was stone cold. He must have fallen asleep at the table. 

“Do you have a twin?” She asked. “I was in a play about the founding of Rome in sixth form, it was awesome. Which one dies?”

“Remus is the one who dies.” He smiled, “And no, I’m an only child. My parents probably couldn’t face any more after me.”

“My mum openly says that to my face, never mind anything about 'probably', so I wouldn’t worry.” She grinned at him, raising her huge takeaway coffee to her mouth. “You a student then?”

“Yeah, second year Creative Writing. You?”

“First year Theatre.” She smiled broadly at him, “It’s a great place to study, right? I mean, except if you actually want to go to the library and study and plan to get up later than 6am. And they’re still increasing student numbers I hear. No parking spaces, no space in the library and the locals already hate us as it is.”

“Tell me about it.” He said wearily. “I could really do with heading to the library before my lecture at three but I know there’s no chance of getting a seat at this time of day. Bloody freshers.” He smiled at her, “My friend has lunch at one so I agreed to meet her here and thought I’d probably try and get some writing done if I could, which I can’t.”

“Hard to focus in here.” She looked around the cafeteria. It was loud, bustling and frankly manic. There were students stood with their food on trays looking for somewhere to sit, hopefully together, but knowing they’d probably have to settle for seats apart. 

“Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking really.” He laughed, “So is Tonks a nickname or...?”

“It’s my last name. I hate my first name, it’s really awful. Think of the worst name you can, and it’s even worse than that.”

“You’re called _Hitler_ Tonks?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Hit- oh- what? _Remus_!” She looked bewildered, “Well it's not _that_ bad I guess.”

“Will I have to pry it from your cold dead hands?”

“No, but you will have to earn my trust to learn it.” She winked at him.

“And how does one earn such trust?” He hadn’t realised that they were flirting and suddenly he started to panic. “Hypothetically, of course.” He added hastily, helping nothing.

She seemed to sense his change in mood and laughed, “I dunno. Be my mate, I guess. Haven’t really picked up any friends yet, everyone thinks I’m loud and weird and one kid even called my hair an abomination! Can you believe?”

“I like your hair. I’d never lose you in a crowd.”

“Exactly, Remus. I’m one step ahead. Always putting my friends first. I like to change it up. I’ve had it all kinds of colours. Pink’s the best though.” She grinned. “So why are you sick then?”

“Oh it’s a chronic thing, I get flare ups, I’d usually be home in bed but I had really important lectures today, and well, here I am.” He felt weird explaining it to a stranger, but at the same time, he felt like she wouldn’t judge him.

“Yeah, I get you. My mum’s got fibromyalgia, is it anything like that?”

“Similar, yeah.” Remus nodded. 

“Well, now that we’re friends, Remus, I’ve been helping her for years, so if you ever need anything-”

“I thought that lecture would never fucking end.” Lily swung her bag onto the table and then threw her head down on top of it. “If I have to listen to anymore of Avery and Mulciber’s shit then I might just- Oh. Hello.” She looked up and saw Tonks. “I’m Lily.”

“I’m Tonks, Remus’ new friend.” She held out a hand to Lily who shook it with an odd smile on her face. 

“Can I just say, your hair clashes incredibly. It’s art.” Remus smirked.

“You should be in bed. Shut up.” Lily snapped.

“They were giving out information about the next piece today and themes and stuff. I couldn’t miss it.”

“Are you sure the 3pm one is _as_ important?” Lily asked, pressing a hand to Remus’ forehead. “You’re boiling.”

“When I found him he was dead to the world.” Tonks chipped in, eager to make her friend count two.

“It probably isn’t as vital as the one from this morning, but I’m here now, I might as well go to it.” Remus shrugged.

“Please go home.” Lily looked at his pale, clammy face and sighed, “I’ll talk to Mary and see if she’ll take some notes if anything important happens.”

“Lily, I’m fine for another few hours.”

“Nah, you look like shit. Tell him, Tonks.”

“I mean, I don’t know what you look like normally, but you do look like shit. Plus you’re shivering and you’re wearing more layers than my cousin when he’s got man flu, and he’s a right pissbaby.” Tonks nodded.

Remus rested his head against the cool surface of the table, “You’re doing wonders for my ego.”

“Re.” Lily tried again. “I’ll be home by six, I’ll make us something nice for dinner. You look exhausted. Go home and have a nap.”

“Why do you have to be right?” Remus groaned, sitting up. “Fine. Tonks, it was lovely meeting you. Are you on Facebook?”

“I am.” 

“Are you under your full name on Facebook?” He smiled.

“I am.” She frowned.

“I’ll let you add me then, Remus Lupin. I’m the only one.” He pressed a quick kiss to the top of Lily’s head as he stood up. Gathering his bag and coat from under the table. 

“You’ll be okay on the bus, Re?” Lily asked, “And you’ll message me when you get home?”

“I’ll be fine Lils, I’ll text you.” He waved goodbye to the two girls and headed off to the bus stop. On his way he saw a familiar figure leave the campus shop and he stopped. Sirius hadn’t seen him, so he turned around and walked the long way to the bus stop. He knew that Sirius had promised not to make anything weird or awkward, it was that Remus didn’t trust himself not to do so.

***

“Pads, is that who I think it is?” James stopped Sirius as they left the stop, “Don’t look obviously you prick. Your 10 o clock. “ Sirius moved his eyes to where James indicated and there, sure enough, was Remus. Before he could say anything or even wave, Remus had turned around and walked the other way.

“Wow. He looked like absolute shit.” Sirius muttered.


	9. Gift of the Nymphs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I essentially write a chapter of a text fic
> 
> I own nothing, except for lots of lovely painkillers now. Nap time!

**Nymphadora Tonks changed her nickname to Tonks**   
**Remus Lupin deleted Nymphadora Tonks’ nickname**   
**Nymphadora Tonks changed Remus Lupin’s nickname to Nap Queen**   
**Nap Queen changed Nymphadora Tonks’ nickname to Table Invader**

**Nap Queen**   
_Nymphadora?_   
_Well I certainly wouldn’t have guessed that._   
_Wow. It literally means gift of the nymphs._

**Table Invader**   
_Good Googling, you massive dork. This is why I only have like 97 Facebook friends. The fewer people that know, the better._   
_Did you manage to nap?_   
_How are you feeling?_

**Nap Queen**   
_I really shouldn’t have gone into uni today_   
_My body hates me._   
_I have aches upon aches, and those aches have aches._   
_I didn’t manage to nap, though I did try._   
_I’m glad I struggled into uni though_   
_Because I met you_

**Table Invader**   
_You flatter me, sleepy boy. Hope you feel better soon_   
_Maybe we could go for a drink or something when you do. ;) ;) !!_

**Nap Queen**   
_Thanks, Tonks._   
_Yeah, that could be fun._   
_Usually a few weeks to recover though._

**Table Invader**   
_I can wait. And I meant it when I said that I’m here if you need anything. I’ve seen my mum through some awful flares._

**Nap Queen**   
_Thanks_   
_I’m gonna try and get some sleep now_   
_Lily cooked spicy tomato soup for dinner_   
_and it was amazing_   
_but now i’m so tired_   
_so i ma sleeeep_   
_gnight tonks_   
_sleep well_

**Table Invader**   
_Sweet Dreams, Nap Queen!_

***

“Tonks added me on Facebook.” Lily told him the next morning, “Seems she’s quite taken with you.”

“Are you just trying to pawn me off on anybody now?” Remus laughed. Lily had shown up in his bed at 6am. He had woken up two hours after falling asleep and despite feeling exhausted, he couldn’t fall back to sleep. When Lily was due to wake up to get ready for uni, she saw that he was online on Facebook and crawled into his bed to share his body heat for a while before she had to actually start getting ready.

“Re!” Lily said, exasperated. “You were having a great time with her when I showed up yesterday.”

“I was caught off guard. She woke me up and then just talked at me, I don’t even know if I was awake for half of it.”

“She asked me if you’re single.” Lily snickered.

“Lily!”

“No, really, look!”

**Nymphadora Tonks changed her nickname to Tonks**   
**Tonks**   
_Nice to meet you earlier. Hope it’s not weird that I added you._

**Lily Evans**   
_No problem! It was really nice to meet you too. Thanks for looking out for Re when he was asleep, most people would have either left him or robbed him or drawn on him or something._

**Tonks**   
_Haha I just wanted to make sure he was ok. If he was just napping I’d probably have left him but he looked so sick. How’s he doing now?_

**Lily Evans**   
_He’s ok, I made him dinner and I swear he almost fell asleep into his soup._

**Tonks**   
_Bahahaha_

**Lily Evans**  
 _He’s asleep now, hopefully he’s over the worst of it. There’s no saying how long a flare can be. I just hope going to uni today didn’t make it worse. He’s ridiculously stubborn._

**Tonks**   
_He’s ridiculously cute._   
_Sorry, too much?_   
_Are you guys a thing?_   
_Oh shit was that really inappropriate?_   
_Ignore me, I have no filter._

**Lily Evans**   
_Haha, no we’re not together!_   
_He’s very cute._   
_He’s useless at dating stuff though, just a heads up._

**Tonks**   
_Oh god, I thought I’d scared you off. I was so stressed for a minute there._   
_Haha thanks for the heads up. I wasn’t sure if I was his type or not?_   
_Wow these things are just coming out._   
_Please tell me if I make you feel awkward or anything, because I just really have no filter at all._

**Lily Evans**   
_You’re fine Tonks, don’t worry. I’ll let you know if that ever happens though._   
_Re is pan so gender isn’t an issue._   
_Talk to him. That’s my advice :)_

**Tonks**   
_Thanks, Lily. I think I will._   
_However, I’m gonna try and catch some z’s before I end up staying up all night watching Untucked on youtube._   
_Goodnight :)_

Remus sighed loudly. “I don’t need this, Lils.”

“She might not bring it up!” Lily said brightly, “But I think you think she’s cute.”

“Of course she is, did you see her? You know I’m a sucker for people like her.” Remus managed a small smile. “The fact remains that-”

“I know. So give it a go!”

“I literally went on a disastrous date last week. It’ll probably be at least a week before I can face doing anything other than sleeping and watching shit on Netflix.” 

“So invite her to watch Netflix with you.” Lily nudged him, “I hadn’t seen you smile like that in ages.”

"I did agree to have a drink with her at some point while I was half asleep..."

"There you go then!" Lily was beaming at him.

“I saw Sirius yesterday.” Remus said quietly, “From a distance. I don’t know if he saw me, but I avoided him.”

“And?” 

“I didn’t want to avoid him. What he said to me wasn’t his fault, you were right. He was making a joke about the fact that I have three close female friends and have done the do with two of them. As a statistic it’s a bit much. If the shoe were on the other foot, I’d feel the same. I had a dream last night about him and Caradoc. Sirius was really laying into him about the things that Cara had said to me, and I stopped him and told him that he’d said the exact same thing and he looked like a kicked puppy and then Cara hit Sirius and we teleported to London, but that wasn’t really the point after the whole y'know…” Remus frowned, “I owe Sirius an apology. I’ll text him today, just so if it happens again, it won’t be as awkward.”

“What a revelation.” Lily teased, “Remus John Lupin, admitting he was wrong and _I_ was right.”

“Oh shut up!” Remus pulled out his phone and began composing a message to Sirius.

***  
 **Remus**  
 _Hi, it’s Remus. You probably know that, but I don’t know if you’ve deleted my number or something, so I thought I’d just say. I want to apologise for how I acted when we went for a drink last week._  
 _My ex-boyfriend was a complete prick. We were together for two years and he constantly berated me for not being solely attracted to men, and tried to stop me going to uni and tried to stop Lily and I being friends on multiple occasions. After one ultimatum it almost worked, but I digress._  
 _When you asked me if I was sure I liked guys, it was like a trigger I guess? I don’t know. But I just felt so angry and emotional, but not at you, it was still anger at him, I can’t really explain it. I know it wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known that making that joke would make me react the way that I did, and storming out on you was immature and frankly, rude. So, I’m really sorry._  
 _I saw you on campus yesterday and I avoided you because I didn’t trust myself not to be awkward, and I don’t want to live my life like that, especially with Lily’s show coming up in a few weeks. Basically, I’m just sorry. I behaved like a complete arsehole. Until that happened, I was having a pretty good time, so I regret ruining it. Hope you’re ok. See you around at some point._

Sirius sat reading and re-reading the text for over an hour until James poked his head into Sirius’ room. “Well you look cheerful.” He said, sarcastically.

“Can you read this and let me know what you think?” Sirius held out his phone.

James read the message and frowned slightly, “He seems pretty genuine, but also noncommittal.”

“He hides behind these words and I don’t know what he really means.” Sirius sighed. “Typical of a Creative Writing student, I guess.”

“Are you going to reply?”

“He obviously doesn’t want things to be awkward, so I probably should.” Sirius thought for a moment, “I’m not sure what to say, though.”

“You’ll think of something, Pads. Biryani for tea?”

“You’re the best!” 

“I know, I know.” Sirius flew and James and hugged him.

“Reply to Remus! Tell him I say hi to Lily.” He added with a grin.

“Tell her yourself you have her number!”

***

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart. <3**   
_Hi, no I didn’t delete your number, haha_   
_I appreciate you explaining that to me, I was a little bit confused about what I said._   
_Obv if I could go back and not say it, I would. But at least now I know. Are there any other subjects you aren’t comfortable with?_   
_I wish you’d stayed and explained to me why I upset you. Friday night wasn’t great for me tbh. Though I guess it wasn’t great for you either._   
_Apology accepted. If I see you on campus, I now reserve the right to rugby tackle you or kiss you on both cheeks like we’re French. Those are my terms._   
_Hope you’re alright. I’ll see you at Lily’s show, I guess._


	10. That's Badass!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had to mess around with character timelines to make this work so Walburga is now a sister of Narcissa, Andromeda and Bellatrix, making Bella Sirius' aunt, not cousin. I hope that makes sense, my brain is so mushy right now haha.
> 
> There is the beginning of Remadora in this chapter, this will probably be the case for the next few chapters, but I promise you that we are still 100% here for Wolfstar, this is just a necessary stepping stone of angst.
> 
> Much love for all bookmarks, comments and kudos. 
> 
> I don't own anything, except batteries for my fairy lights now, which i apparently complained about not owning in chapter notes recently so my wonderful boyfriend went out and bought me some. Thank you Josh, you're magical. <3

**Table Invader**  
_Oi. Wake up._  
_Come on mate, it’s like 1pm._  
_Ugh._  
_I got cast in a show today. Like an actual role. Not in the ensemble._  
_Wake up and be excited for me you sleepy moron._  
_It’s a musical._  
_Pretty sure you like musicals._  
_Do you know Waitress?_  
_I’m going to be Dawn._  
_Remus pleeeeeease wake up._  
_Lily has no idea what Waitress is and I need your musical theatre knowledge to know that it’s genuine praise. I’m narcissistic I don’t even care._  
_OPENING UP LETTING THE DAAAAAAY IN_  
_Is what you should be doing right now._  
_omg wake da fuq up_  
_Last active 13 hours ago?_  
_Are you dead?_  
_I really hope you’re not dead._  
_Especially after I asked_  
_That would be insensitive af_  
_I have to go back to class now. Message me when you wake up and shower me with compliments._

**Nap Queen**  
_oh_  
_wow_  
_that’s_  
_that’s a lot_  
_hang on give me like a while to wake up properly_  
_DAWN?! Well done Tonks!_  
_WHAT IF WHEN HE SEES ME I LIKE HIM AND HE KNOWS IT_  
_WHAT IF HE OPENS UP A DOOR AND I CANT CLOSE IT_  
_WHAAAAT HAPPENS THEN_  
_I’m really chuffed for you, though! Please reserve me front row seats to every performance._  
_Also can I be dying AND dead simultaneously_  
_Because I’m pretty sure I’m not alive_  
_Lily is badgering me to call 111 but they won’t do anything_  
_I have to wait like five months before I can see a specialist though._  
_Ok I’m going back to sleep_

By the following weekend, Remus was no better and Tonks had invited herself over to look after him while Lily and Dorcas worked and Marlene studied overnight in the library. She made him spaghetti hoops on toast and the sweetest tea Remus had ever tasted.

“How are you feeling?” She asked him, as they started Season 5 of RuPaul’s Drag Race. They’d both seen it before, but Remus found it a comforting show to watch.

“Tired, but like I couldn’t sleep if I tried.” He suppressed a chuckle, “Story of my life.”

“I’m guessing… M.E.?” Tonks looked over at him.

“100 points to Tonks!” Remus gave her a muted smile, “What gave me away?”

“You’re _always_ tired, whether you haven't slept or you’ve had a good eight hours or even that time you slept for twenty six hours that Lily told me about. It doesn’t seem to make a difference. You have insomnia, widespread pain. It’s very similar to fibro.” She tilted her head to one side. “You try to put on a brave face, just like my mum, but I can see it when it starts wearing you down.”

“You’ve known me all of a week, Tonks!” Remus laughed.

“I’m observant. If I didn’t have a dying need to go into theatre, I’d really want to be a detective.” She grinned, “DCI Tonks. Has a nice ring to it.”

“So does Tonks the Broadway star.”

“Eh, I’d rather stay in the West End. I prefer London to New York.” She smiled, “But yeah. I’m going to have to change my name though, I couldn’t stand my name being in programmes.”

“What if you just shortened it to Dora? I feel weird calling you your last name all the time, it makes me feel like I’m in boarding school or something.”

“My dad calls me Dora.” She laughed, “I don’t mind it, though. Dora Tonks isn’t a bad name.”

“Do you have a middle name?” He expected something grand and mythological.

“Elizabeth.” She blushed. “My parents couldn’t decide on anything, Mum wanted me to have a weird name because it’s _tradition_ , but Dad wanted me to have a nice normal name, something that you can manipulate too.”

“What’s your mum called, then?”

“Andromeda.” Tonks deadpanned.

“You’re kidding? That’s badass!” Remus grinned.

“It’s tradition in her side of the family to name children after astronomical or mythological figures.” She shrugged, “Fuck knows why. That’s why I was intrigued when you told me your name. We’re definitely not related, are we?”

“I mean somewhere down the line, pretty much everyone is related.” Remus laughed, “But I doubt it. I’ve only ever been to London twice and I know all my close family.”

“Weird. So what’s normal Remus like?”

“Oh fuck, you literally have never seen me healthy.” Remus shook his head, “That’s disgusting.”

“Are you even more gorgeous when you’re not having a flare then?” She asked boldly, causing him to splutter into his tea. “Oh, and I still want to go for that drink when you’re feeling better.”

“Tonks, I am literally covered in sweat, I’m clammy and gross, the dark circles under my eyes make me look like a raccoon, I can hardly keep my eyes open, When you first met me I was literally asleep at a table, my hair is currently untameable, I haven’t got the energy to make food or do more than get up to piss. You’ve literally seen me cry from pain, I don’t see-”

Tonks leaned over and gently pressed her lips to Remus’. “Every time you put yourself down, I’m going to do that. Consider yourself warned.” Remus just stared at her, mouth open and eyes wide. “Remus?”

“I just- I- What?” He stammered, “You- you kissed me.”

“I am aware of that.” Tonks frowned, then asked defiantly, “Should I not have kissed you?”

“Well, I was trying to explain how gross I am right now and-” She kissed him again. “Tonks!” He said, half impressed, half exasperated. “You realise that you could do a lot better than some chronically ill, depressed student and aspiring writer who can’t even write anything at the moment.” She leant towards him again but he pressed the pad of his index finger to her lips. “Just, think about it. You’re going to be living it up in the West End soon anyway.”

“You’re pretty infuriating, you know that?” She sighed. “We _will_ be going for a drink though.”

“As a date?” Remus bit his lip nervously.

“I thought that was obvious, yes.” She smiled, “If that’s ok?”

“Yes. Yes, it’s ok. I’m not very good at the dating thing, but ok.” He smiled, “The last date I went on was a disaster, I ended up walking out on him. Still feel kinda bad about it, but I cleared the air with him afterwards at least. I think we’re friends now.”

“Is that a euphamism?” Tonks arched an eyebrow. When Remus stopped laughing she whispered, “I’m going to kiss you again.” Remus only nodded in response.

***

“So the show will start at 8:30. Bella you’re opening, you okay to do 30 minutes?” The grumpy looking mature student of about 30 nodded, scowling at Sirius and James. “Then we’ll have a 20 minute break and then you guys play for 40ish?” The boys nodded, “Then the bar’s going to have a themed playlist and it’s going to be like a big party, so invite everyone you know!” Lily paused, “Any questions?”

“Why aren’t I headlining?” Bella asked, “No offence to them, but I feel like they're more of an opening act.”

Sirius gritted his teeth, “Lily decides the running order, it’s her gig, don’t make it about you, Bella. Not everything is about you.”

“That’s rich coming from you. You can’t stand anyone else being in the spotlight. You literally came out at Cissa’s wedding, and ruined it for everyone.” Bella spat.

“I didn’t _come out_ , I was _outed_ by you and your shithead of a husband.” Sirius grimaced. 

“Well you should have been more careful about where you chose to cop off with the barman, shouldn’t you, Sirius?”

“I’m going to assume that you already know each other?” Lily looked at James, bewildered.

“Worse. They’re related. Bellatrix is Sirius’ Aunt.” He put his hand on Sirius’ arm. 

“His Aunt?” Lily looked from Sirius to Bella and could see a slight resemblance, the abundance of dark hair, grey eyes and the cheekbones. “Is this going to be an issue?”

“Not for us.” James replied. “Right, Pads?” Sirius nodded tersely.

“Bella?”

“I’ll keep away from him if he keeps away from me.” She sneered.

“Fine, this will be the last meeting with all of us. Everything else I’m going to do via email, so this won’t happen again.” Lily rubbed her temple, trying to shake away the headache that was coming on. “Bella, I’ll be in touch in the next few days to meet up and talk you through the contract.”

“Ok.” Bellatrix turned and left, muttering something about ‘filthy queers’ on her way, causing James to physically restrain Sirius.

“I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” Lily looked nervously at James and Sirius. “Are you ok?”

“I hate her.” Sirius said, flatly. “I really, really hate her.”

“I can see if I can drop her and get someone else if-”

“Lily, it’s fine. It’s one night, we don’t have to talk to her or anything. It’ll be ok. Don’t worry.” James smiled at her and she couldn’t help but smile back. “It will be fine.”

***

**Remus**  
_One week to go!_  
_How’s the set coming along?_  
_Hope you’re ok, Sirius._

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3**  
_Hey Remus it’s James. Sirius is having a bit of a time™ rn. He’s ok, just everything’s a bit much for him. Just thought I’d let you know so you didn’t think he was ignoring you. The set’s coming along fine, we’re super excited for next week. It’ll be nice to finally meet you, mate!_

**Remus**  
_That’s shitty. Tell him I said that I hope he has less of a time™ soon. Will be good to meet you too James. :) x_

***

“She’s being so awkward, I should have just dropped her after that meeting.” Lily sipped her earl grey and smiled at James. “You’re being very good about the whole thing, so is Sirius of course, but- I just- I can’t deal with her, I don’t know how you can.”

“I think we’ve just learned to tune her out. She is the worst person I’ve ever met, and I met Theresa May last year.” Lily laughed, “Sirius will get over it.”

“Speaking of things Sirius will hopefully get over, I think Remus is seeing someone.” She winced as she saw James’ face.

“Anyone we know?” James asked, shortly.

“I don’t know who you know! I’m not going to tell you just in case I’m wrong, but he’s been spending an awful lot of time with her and I’m pretty sure they were kissing before I walked into the room yesterday.”

“Her?” James frowned.

“Don’t do that.”

“No, it’s just- I- He- Sirius’ ex, Frank cheated on him with a girl. It’s a bit of a touchy subject.” James shook his head. “He’s really insecure, I know he doesn’t act it, but he’s like a kicked puppy sometimes.”

“Remus isn’t a cheater. It’s not in his nature at all.” Lily reassured him, “Honestly, I thought he and Sirius were a good match. He’s just not having a wonderful time health wise and then it completely knocks his self esteem and he’s convinced that no-one should get close to him because he’s sick and it’s not fair on them.”

“That’s ridiculous.” James frowned again. “I know that Sirius will be a little heartbroken if Remus is seeing someone so soon after telling him that he wasn’t dating at the moment.”

“I thought it might have that effect. I think she’ll be at the gig, so keep an eye out for him and see what you think.” Lily smiled at James. “I like talking to you.”

“You do?” He seemed surprised. “Sirius tells me I never shut up enough to let anyone else talk.”

“You do talk a lot, but I like it.” She laughed, “You’re intelligent.”

“I did average 82 last year overall.” James winked at her.

“First year doesn’t count, Jamie.” Lily shot back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> M.E. stands for myalgic encephalomyelitis also known as chronic fatigue syndrome.  
> More info on this condition can be found on the link below.
> 
> http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Chronic-fatigue-syndrome/Pages/Introduction.aspx


	11. Bold move, Red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is fairly long so I hope you enjoy :)
> 
> The gig starts, yay! More wolfstar, teeny Remadora, bit of Jily.

**Lily**   
_Morning! Just thought I’d let you know that I spoke to my lecturer and due to the ‘unprofessional homophobic and personal comments’ that Bella made at our meeting, she will no longer be playing at the gig. If you could let Sirius know that would be cool please._   
_Downside is that I need someone else to fill in on short notice._   
_Don’t suppose you know anyone?_

**James**   
_Bold move, Red._   
_I respect you a hell of a lot for doing it tho. Thank you. You're good peoples._   
_I can put some feelers out for decent people, sure._   
_I have class in ten minutes, but after that I’ll ask around._   
_Do you have anything planned for Sunday?_

**Lily**   
_Death, possibly._   
_But other than that, nope._

**James**   
_Would you like to go out for dinner with me Sunday night, to celebrate your show?_

**Lily**   
_I might be reading this wrong bc of when we first met, so sorry, but as a date? Or just a celebration or? ___

__**James**   
_Either. Any. You can decide._ _ _

__**Lily**   
_I’ll have a think, but yes, I’d like that. Thanks :)_ _ _

___**James**   
_Cool. I’m not grinning now or anything. I’m totally cool._   
_Anyway, lecture time. Ttyl x_ _

___**Lily**   
_Lame ahaha_   
_Ttyl x_ _

__***_ _

__Remus was still flaring like crazy, but with Lily, Tonks, Marlene and Dorcas around most of the time, he was coping. He wasn’t really sure what was happening with Tonks. They kissed a lot, but not when anyone else was around. He didn’t have the energy to do anything more than kiss at the moment, which Tonks was more than supportive of. They were curled up on Remus’ bed watching more Drag Race when Lily burst through the door._ _

__“Ithinki’mgoingonadatewithjames.” She garbled._ _

__“Try that again with real words?” Remus laughed._ _

__“I think I agreed to go on a date with James.”_ _

__“You think?” Tonks looked puzzled. “That’s probably something you should be fairly certain of.”_ _

__“He asked me if I’d like to go for dinner with him the day after the gig, and I said yes.” Lily was pacing up and down at the bottom of Remus’ bed. “I mean, he’s a really nice guy, but do I have the time to date? Do I have the energy?”_ _

__“You have to make time, Lils.” Remus smiled up at her, “You seemed happy when you came back from coffee the other day, so I’m happy for you. You have my blessing.”_ _

__“Thanks, I think I’m happy for myself.” She looked over at the two of them. Tonks pressed against Remus’ chest and their legs intertwined. “Is it the time to ask what’s going on here?”_ _

__Remus flushed, “We’re just watching Netflix, snogging for a bit, watching some more Netflix.” Tonks said brightly as if this were no big deal._ _

__“I knew it!” Lily squeaked. “Is it a thing or…?”_ _

__“Nah, it’s not a thing at the moment.” Remus was relieved when Tonks nodded._ _

__“Good, because I need you at this gig on Saturday and Tonks is a good leaning height for you. I know how cranky you get about using your stick in public.”_ _

__“I’ll be there no matter what. You know me. I came to your art show last year and threw up in a bin twice, but I was still there.” Remus frowned, “Don’t even mention the fucking stick, though. Sticks are for old people.”_ _

__"People thought it was performance art, it was great." Lily said to Tonk,s who burst into raucous laughter._ _

__***_ _

__“Guess who I’m taking out to dinner on Sunday.” James was grinning broadly, which Sirius found annoying on it's own, without the question._ _

__“The Queen.” Sirius went back to reading._ _

__“Pads!”_ _

__“Fine, is it Lily, the queen of your world?” Sirius batted his eyelids._ _

__“Maybe.”_ _

__“Then I was right. The Queen. Congrats.”_ _

__“Ugh, you’re so bitter. Fuckin’ Frank and Remus.”_ _

__“Remus is irrelevant.” Sirius shrugged. "He didn't do anything really."_ _

__“Remus will be there on Saturday.” James said quietly._ _

__“I’d figured that out for myself, funnily enough.”_ _

__“Is that going to be ok?”_ _

__“I’m going to play a gig with you, Jamie. Anything else is irrelevant.”_ _

__“Lily kicked Bella off the bill.” Sirius’ head snapped up, “I thought that might get your attention.”_ _

__“She did?”_ _

__“Unprofessional homophobic and personal comments.” James shrugged, “We need to replace her though. Anyone you think would be alright?”_ _

__“Ok, I see why you like Lily now. What an absolute queen!” Sirius thought for a minute, “What about The Prewetts?”_ _

__“Oh, that could work! Grab one of them after the lecture.” Sirius frowned slightly, “You _know_ them, I don’t! You were in a band with Gideon last year.”_ _

__“Fine! We should probably head in if we want to sit together.”_ _

__***_ _

__“Talk to me about Tonks.”_ _

__“I don’t know what it is. I was putting myself down, you know how I can get sometimes, and she just kissed me and told me that she’d do that every time I put myself down, and now we kiss even when I don’t.” Remus shrugged. "I don't really know how or why or what's happening."_ _

__“Do you think she could be your girlfriend?” Lily crossed her arms._ _

__“I don’t know!” Remus reiterated. “You know how I feel about getting involved with people and I know you think I’m stupid, but I am who I am.”_ _

__“Do you think it will be weird her being there on Saturday when Sirius is there?”_ _

__“I told her that I went on a date with someone in the band and it ended weirdly so we can’t look too ‘coupley’.” Remus looked uncomfortable._ _

__“And she was okay with that?” Lily frowned._ _

__“Well, not really, but I didn’t really give her much choice.” Remus muttered, “Stop frowning at me. I’m sick.”_ _

__“You look sick.” Lily rolled her eyes. "No, you actually do. What's your temperature?"_ _

__"No idea. Can't find my thermometer."_ _

__"Re!"_ _

__"I'm alright, I'm just tired and sore. It's not terrible, I'll be there on Saturday!" He promised._ _

__"You know that's not what I'm worried about."_ _

__"I'm aware, yes." Remus sighed, "I almost preferred discussing my love life."_ _

__"So you admit that there _is_ a love life?" Lily raised an eyebrow._ _

__"Don't twist my words, Evans. I can snog someone if I want, doesn't have to mean anything."_ _

__"Ok, back to bed, you're shaking."_ _

__"Lily!"_ _

__"Bed!" She insisted, dragging him up by the hand and leading to his room where they curled up under Remus' starry duvet to watch Drag Race._ _

__***_ _

__Remus arrived at the bar while The Marauders were sound checking, Tonks in tow. She let go of his hand as Lily waved at them from the bar and they crossed the room to get a drink. Remus didn’t purposely not look at Sirius, but by the time he’d got to the bar he realised that he’d walked right across the room in front of him and hadn’t acknowledged him. He turned around to wave to Sirius only to find him and another man, who he assumed was James, looking stunned and somewhat perplexed._ _

__“Alright?” Remus said, to the now silent room._ _

__“Sirius?!” Tonks squealed._ _

__“Nymphie!” He shouted back and she ran at him and threw her arms around his neck, smacking him at the same time for the nickname._ _

__Remus sat down on the nearest bar stool, of all of the eventualities of this evening, this was not something he had prepared for. Lily was trying very hard not to combust while holding in laughter. James just shrugged at her. Eventually Sirius and Tonks remembered there were other people there._ _

__“How the fuck do you know Remus?” She asked him. Sirius looked over to Remus who shrugged slightly._ _

__“We went on a date a few weeks ago.”_ _

__“You’re the one he ran out on?” Tonks looked at Remus, who nodded slowly. “Really, Remus? What’s wrong with you, he’s bloody gorgeous?”_ _

__“Are either of you planning to explain to me what’s happening here, because this is all really fucking weird.” Remus said coolly._ _

__“Tonks is my cousin.” Sirius said eventually. “My cousin who you are… dating?”_ _

__“Nah. Re doesn’t do dating.” Tonks laughed. “We just watch Netflix and snog. You got an actual _date_?”_ _

__“Yeah.” Sirius nodded slowly, his eyes meeting Remus’ who looked admittedly like he felt terrible about whole situation. “Sounds fun, though. I'm happy for you both. Congrats.”_ _

__Lily was done with the amount of tension in the room so loudly announced, “James, I’ve been thinking and I’d like tomorrow to be a date.” James almost dropped his guitar._ _

__“You’d- a date- cool.” He grinned across the room at her. "A date."_ _

__“Ok, so can we get you guys finished sound checking so we can bring the other band in?” Lily squeezed Remus’ hand before jumping back into event planner mode. She ushered Sirius back onto the stage and Tonks back to Remus._ _

__“Are you ok?”_ _

__“I’ve been better.” Remus snapped._ _

__“It’s not my fault you dated my cousin and then snogged me.” She said sharply._ _

__“I never said it was, I- Sorry.” Remus shook his head, “I’m just a bit…”_ _

__“It’s ok.” Tonks gave him a peck on the cheek. “It’s not exactly a normal situation. Then again, we’re not really a normal family. I haven’t seen Sirius for four years.”_ _

__“No?” Remus realised he was staring at Sirius, and looked away quickly. “I don’t date, I just don’t get how I ended up in this situation.” He laughed.Sirius and James finished sound checking and moved their equipment to the back of the stage so The Prewetts could set up. Fabian and Gideon Prewett were identical twins who played acoustic punk music, and who Lily had adored upon hearing them._ _

__Remus got a strange feeling in his chest as Sirius crossed the room to the bar. This was where he had first met Sirius and he didn’t look a lot different now to that night. His hair was pulled up into a messy bun, highlighting his high, defined cheekbones. His eyes were softly lined in black and he had a swipe of glitter under the left one. The only thing missing was the leather jacket, which Remus noticed hanging over a the back of a chair near the stage. "Do you mind if I have a quick chat with Sirius, Dora?"_ _

__She flushed slightly at the use of the nickname, "Course not."_ _

__James seemed reluctant to leave the stage, or anywhere that wasn't within ten feet of Lily, to the point where Sirius literally dragged him by his beltloop over to where Remus and Tonks were sat. Sirius' jaw was set and he looked defiantly at Remus as they reached them._ _

__“Hey, can we talk?” Sirius' expression softened slightly._ _

__“Yeah, don't see why not.” Sirius shrugged, following Remus into the staffroom._ _

__“I’m sorry.” Remus said, simply._ _

__“You’ve already said that, and I forgave you. Remember?”_ _

__“But that was before I brought your cousin along as a… whatever this is. You know that I had no idea that you're related, right?” Remus said. "And I didn't plan it, I hope you don't think this was intentional."_ _

__"Remus, I-" Remus staggered slightly then sat down abrputly, the room suddenly spinning around him. “Are you alright?” Sirius crouched down next to Remus. “You don’t look great. No offence. I mean... you look a bit grey.”_ _

__“I’m still not very well, I just promised Lily I’d be here so I’ve been trying to mask my symptoms all week so she’d think I was ok and not feel bad. I've never missed any of her events, I threw up at one last year. In a bin. Twice.” Remus blurted out._ _

__“You’re sick? Still?” Sirius looked worried, “Have you been to the doctors?”_ _

__Remus suddenly realised what he’d said and sighed, “Fuck. I can’t just go to the doctors. I, um, oh bollocks, I have M.E..”_ _

__"M.E.?" Sirius looked puzzled._ _

__"Chronic Fatigue Syndrome."_ _

__“Oh, I think my Aunt has that. Tonks' mum.” Sirius frowned._ _

__“She has fibr- never mind.”_ _

__“Is this why things are complicated?” Sirius asked quietly._ _

__“Mostly, yeah.”_ _

__“Do you think people won’t like you once they find out?”_ _

__“I just don't want to ever be a burden.” Remus murmered, “It’s better if I don’t let people in.”_ _

__“You let Tonks in.”_ _

__“She caught me with my guard down, literally passed out on a table in the cafeteria.” Sirius chuckled, “It makes me feel weak and useless and who would want-”_ _

__“Don’t.”_ _

__“But who would?”_ _

__“I would. I thought I made that obvious.” Sirius’ face was mutinous. “Or do I need to dance naked in front of you singing ‘Lay All Your Love on Me’?”_ _

__“That was before.”_ _

__“You think me that shallow?”_ _

__“No, I-”_ _

__“Remus. I am very, very pretty. I’m not blind to that fact. I’m also smart, and sensitive, and empathetic, and I’m shockingly good at baking. If you’re ill, all that makes me feel is regret that I can’t help, and a little sad that you didn't think I could handle something like that. But if you’re shagging my cousin-”_ _

__“There is no shagging.” Remus choked._ _

__“Whatever’s going on there is a bit of a kick in the teeth, I won’t lie to you. But-”_ _

__“Sirius!”_ _

__“ _But_ that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be your friend. It won’t be an issue, I won’t be weird. I’d just quite like to be in your life.” Sirius sighed, “If you’re not into it, just let me know. I know I can be a bit much sometimes. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.”_ _

__“No, no. I’d- I’d really like to have you in my life.” Remus reached out and pushed several strands of hair out of Sirius’ face, running his thumb over his cheekbone softly before he realised he’d done it. His eyes went wide and he opened his mouth, ready to apologise._ _

__“Don’t you dare say it.” Sirius stood up, pulling Remus to his feet and into a hug. Remus involuntarily inhaled the scent of Sirius’ hair, lavender and cocoa. As he wrapped his arms around the smaller man, he wished that he could take back the last month, they just seemed to physically fit together perfectly. He shook himself out of these thoughts as the door opened._ _

__“James is getting worried.” Lily’s voice concealed laughter as the two broke apart._ _


	12. My heart physically ached.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy :)

The gig ran smoothly, both bands playing incredible sets to a receptive, if somewhat drunk, audience. The afterparty was in full swing when Sirius saw Tonks trying to drag Remus to dance. He appeared behind Tonks’ shoulder.

“Leave him alone if he doesn’t want to dance. Come and dance with me.” Sirius smiled at the look of relief in Remus’ eyes. “I’m a better dancer than he is, anyway.”

“I’d argue with you, but I haven’t learned any new moves since I watched Saturday Night Fever. I am a master of the Macarena too, though.” 

“When you’re feeling up to it, you’re definitely going to show me that.” Sirius grinned, before being dragged away by Tonks to dance to Paramore.

Remus found himself unable to take his eyes away from the two of them. There was something so fluid about the way Sirius moved that captivated him, whereas Tonks was simply throwing herself about like a child. It was very entertaining to watch, so much so that he almost wished that he’d joined them, but he knew that he didn’t have the physical or mental energy, and didn’t want to set back his health for just a few minutes dancing. James slid into the seat next to him, followed his eyes and smirked as Remus spluttered.

"I was- I'm just - I can't- Ugh."

"My sentiments exactly." James laughed.

“Can I get you a drink?” Remus asked.

“As long as I can get you one back later.” 

“That sounds very reasonable, what are you having?” 

Remus ordered a pint of Carlsberg for James and a gin and lemonade for himself. He knew he shouldn’t be drinking, but the whole Tonks/Sirius situation had put him on edge and he just needed something to drag him back from it. 

“Your set was really good. Really good!”

“Thanks, it’s only our second proper gig in front of people.” James smiled, embarrassed. “We’ve spent a lot of time in the studio and writing since the start of second year, and not much time playing gigs.”

“Which do you prefer?” 

“Personally, I love the mixing and the technological side of it. Pads does most of the writing and-” 

“Pads?” Remus blinked.

“Oh, Sirius. We call him Padfoot, Pads for short.” James laughed.

“Do I want to know why?”

“A few weeks after my eighteenth birthday we went out for drinks, a lot of drinks, and when we got home, Sirius wouldn’t stop hugging our dog, Snuffles, and started to cry over how adorable his little ‘padfoots’ were.” Remus snorted, “We all have stupid nicknames, mine’s ‘Prongs’ and Pete’s is ‘Wormtail’.”

“I certainly won’t ask about Wormtail.” Remus grimaced.

“And _I_ certainly won’t tell you about _Prongs_.” James rolled his eyes, “So, are you and Sirius alright?”

“Yeah, I think so. He’s actually a good guy, isn’t he?” He sighed.

“The best.” James took a large gulp of his beer. “So don’t hurt him, ok? I know he comes across as strong and confident but-”

“I would never intentionally do that, James.” Remus frowned, “If I could go back and change things, I would.”

“But you and Tonks?”

“I don’t know what it is. Honestly, we just kiss and watch Netflix. We haven’t talked about defining it, or even if it’s going anywhere or anything.” Remus flushed slightly.

“Of all the people you could have chosen, though…” James shook his head.

“It’s so ridiculous, Dori’s always saying that this town is too small. I always just thought it was because she was from London, but she might actually be onto something. Are there any other people in Sirius’ family who I should avoid, while I’m making a list?”

“His aunt, Bellatrix.” James said, “Though I’m not sure how much longer she’ll be here.”

“She’s the one Lily reported?” 

“Yeah, she’s a real bitch. Apart from Tonks and her parents, his whole family is awful. He came to live with me when we were sixteen.”

“That bad?” Remus looked surprised.

“Bigoted, homophobic, sexist, racist…”

“Sounds like Lily’s ex-boyfriend, Snivvelus.” Remus scowled, then his face brightened. “Where are you taking her tomorrow?”

“I was thinking the Meat Counter, with the fancy burgers?” James suddenly looked worried. “Would she like that?”

“As long as she gets the fries with cheese and spicy gravy, she will love it.” Remus said. “She’s really excited about it, you know?”

“She is?” 

“Mmhmm, so you better not mess it up.” James laughed.

“I’ll certainly do my best.”

“If you last longer than ten minutes, you’ll have beaten Sirius anyway.”

“This might be a really inappropriate question, so feel free to tell me to shut up. Would you go on another date with him?” James asked quietly.

“I… Yeah, I would.” Remus met James’ eyes, not liking the smugness he saw there. 

Before James could reply, Tonks and Sirius returned. Tonks flinging herself across Remus, Sirius ruffling James’ already messy hair. James retreated to the bar to buy his round, leaving Sirius, Remus and Tonks alone.

“Hope you didn’t miss us too much.” Tonks laughed.

“My heart physically ached.” Remus pretended to swoon, eliciting laughs from the other two. “I didn’t know how I would go on, but then James told me about Sirius’ delightful nickname, and I was alright.”

“He didnt?” Sirius blushed furiously. “That little shit. Did he tell you about Prongs?”

“He refused.”

“Aha! Ok, so, last day of school is always fancy dress day for people who are leaving, so we decide to dress up as Greek Gods. Naturally I was Hades…”

“Naturally.”

“Pete went as Achilles and James went as Poseidon.” Sirius grinned, “Unfortunately he wound up the head of sixth form too much that day, poking her with his trident and just being an arse, and she ended up shouting ‘If you sass me again, Potter you’ll find your backside impaled on those prongs’. Hence, Prongs.”

Remus and Tonks collapsed into laughter. “That’s hilarious.”

“Nature calls!” Tonks climbed off Remus’ lap and skipped off to the bathroom.

“You’re a natural dancer.” Remus commented.

“I thought I saw you watching.” Sirius laughed, “I was trained in ballroom dancing as a kid, once you get all the posture and poise drilled into you, it’s hard to let it go.”

“You’re definitely not seeing my dance moves now.” 

“You’ve seen mine, it’s only fair.” 

“Yes, but you’re _good_. You can dance!” Remus sighed, exasperated. “I look like something between a drunk octopus and a grandad.”

“That sounds adorable, and I insist on seeing it at your earliest convenience.”

“Not happening.” Remus laughed, “Not while I’m sober anyway.”

“I thought you couldn’t really drink?” Sirius said, “Not that I’m judging, or anything.”

“I’m not supposed to, I take a lot of painkillers and other stuff and it’s not particularly advisable to mix them with alcohol, but I figure every so often can’t hurt, and this is a special occasion.”

“Would you let me buy you a drink then?” Sirius winked subtly. 

“Are you propositioning me, Mr Black?”

“Of course not, I’m just offering to buy my good friend Remus a beverage. No subtext, no inference, just a drink.” 

“Gin and lemonade?” Remus still looked slightly perturbed.

“On its way.” He ruffled Remus’ hair softly before joining James at the bar. Remus knew that another drink would have to be his limit, he was already feeling a little fuzzy and he couldn’t risk getting drunk, knowing how long the hangover would make his fatigue last. He watched Sirius and James at the bar, both gesturing wildly. At one point they both looked over at him, instead of turning away, he raised an eyebrow at them, causing James to laugh and Sirius to flush slightly.

“Remus, I’m going to head home.” Tonks appeared at his side.

“Would you like me to walk you?”

“No, I’ll be fine. Thanks.” She turned abruptly and left, which he thought was odd, but that thought was pushed away by the arrival of two gin and lemonades in front of him.

“Two?” He asked.

“One from each of us.” James nodded.

“I really shouldn’t drink much more.” Remus thought aloud.

“James has switched to diet coke, doesn’t want to be hungover on his big date.” Sirius laughed.

“Wow, you’re like a real adult.”

“I try. I do.” 

“Did Tonks leave?” Sirius asked, looking around for his cousin.

“Yeah, she didn’t say why, just came over and said that she was going and refused when I offered to walk her home.”

“Weird, she’s usually the life and soul of the party.” Sirius shrugged, “Maybe she was tired.”

“Maybe.” Remus agreed, secretly hoping that it was that instead of potentially her having caught him staring at Sirius all night.


	13. Eyefucking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some OOC Tonks here, kind of. Mostly bc I got bored of Remadora.  
> I don't even know what this chapter became, it grew on its own.

**Nap Queen**   
_Hey, I haven’t heard from you all day and you left kinda suddenly last night. Are you ok?_

**Table Invader**  
_Yep, fine._

**Nap Queen**   
_Are you sure? You don’t sound fine._

**Table Invader**   
_1\. You can’t hear me, so you don’t know how i sound._   
_2\. If I say I’m fine, then I’m fine._   
_3\. Don’t pretend that you know me, because you obviously don’t._

**Nap Queen**   
_What’s going on?_   
_Dora what’s wrong?_

**Table Invader**   
_Really?_   
_Do you think I didn't see you and Sirius?_   
_Or do you just not care?_

**Nap Queen**   
_Wait, what?_   
_You were there with us, of course you saw us._   
_I’m so confused._

**Table Invader**   
_Do you not think it’s a bit weird?_

**Nap Queen**   
_I mean, the whole situation is odd, yes. I thought we got over that last night though, so you’re gonna have to be more specific, because I’m really drawing a blank on anything that I did that you could be misreading. I'm sorry if I'm being obtuse, but I really don't know what you mean._

**Table Invader**  
 _Of course it’s_ me _that would be misreading it._  
 _Couldn’t possibly be you eyefucking my cousin all night._

**Nap Queen**   
_Eyefucking?_

**Table Invader**   
_Fucking him with your eyes ffs. You kept staring when we were dancing. And while they were playing you couldn’t keep your eyes off him._

**Nap Queen**   
_Really, that’s what this is about?_   
_I don’t have the energy for this._   
_I was not ‘eyefucking’ Sirius or anybody else, I don’t even know what ‘eyefucking’ is, let alone how to do it! But even if I was, which I wasn't, I don’t see how it’s any of your business, it’s not like you’re my girlfriend. I thought I'd made that very clear. I'm sorry if you're hurt by the fact that I also find your cousin attractive, but I do. I am allowed to look at people. You're being ridiculous._

**Table Invader**   
_Fuck you._

Remus stared at his phone in disbelief. So Tonks _had_ left because she’d seen him staring at Sirius. He felt his stomach turn over. He suddenly worried that she might tell Sirius. Based on what James said, they didn’t have much in the way of decent family and he didn’t want to drive a wedge between them.

“Fuuuuuuuuuck.” Groaned Remus, pulling a pillow over his head.

“She just sent me screenshots.” Lily said from the doorway.

“Of course she did. I bet she’s sent them to Sirius too.”

“James said she messaged Sirius this morning asking if you went home with him.” Lily shook her head. 

“Oh shit, how was your date?”

“Don’t change the subject, we’ll get to that.” Lily frowned. “ _Were_ you eyefucking Sirius?”

“Lily. I _really_ don’t even know what eyefucking is.” Remus laughed, “Does that seem like something I would do, even if I knew what it was?”

“True. Though you did stare at Sirius a lot, and you weren’t exactly subtle about it.”

“He’s attractive. Sue me. I'm allowed to look at people.” Remus lifted the pillow off his head. “I don’t get it, Tonks knew this wasn’t a serious thing and-”

“But she probably wanted it to be, Re.” 

“You think?”

“I know she really liked you.”

“I told her specifically that we weren't _together_. This is why I don’t date. This is too complicated and I don’t have the energy to deal with this.” Remus sighed, “I just want to be her friend, does that make me a dick?”

“Did you just want to be her friend before you had your talk with Sirius?” Remus frowned, “Then yeah, it might make you a bit of a dick.”

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_Have you spoken to Tonks today?_

**Remus**   
_Yeah, she’s mad at me and I don’t really understand why._

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_Thank fuck, I thought it was just me._   
_She messaged me at 7:53am demanding to know if I’d taken you home with me._

**Remus**   
_She accused me of ‘eyefucking’ you._

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_Well colour me flattered ;)_

**Remus**   
_Does everyone know what eyefucking is except for me?_

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_Colour me less flattered._   
_I get the impression that she thought that she could wear you down into eventually being her boyfriend and after last night, maybe thinks that less likely. I don’t know._

**Remus**   
_And people ask why I don’t date._   
_Sorry if this has put you in an awkward position._

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_I mean it’s not ideal, but she’s family, and you’re something, so I don’t mind._

“Can you stop texting and listen to me?” Lily snapped.

“Sorry.” Remus lay his phone face down on his bed.

“Who were you texting anyway?”

“Sirius.” Remus looked at Lily, who was shaking her head.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“I’ve had an idea for a while now, actually, yes.” Remus sighed, “We’re just trying to figure out what Tonks means. He said that from talking to her, he got the idea that she thought she could wear me down and that I’d be her boyfriend, and I don’t think I like that.”

“You don’t?”

“Well think if it was the other way around, if she said that she didn’t want to be in a relationship, but I thought that I could wear her down and change her mind.” Remus shrugged, “It’s like saying that how I feel is wrong and eventually I’ll realise that. It's manipulative.”

“How do you know it isn’t wrong though?” Lily asked, “I’m just playing devil’s advocate.”

“Regardless of anything else, Tonks has acted like a spoilt, bratty child today. We could never be anything more than friends now. No chance. If I was going to date someone, they need to be more mature than this.” Remus paused, “Why didn’t she just say something last night? I don’t understand.”

“You’d rather she’d have told you to stop eyefucking Sirius while you were eyefucking Sirius?”

“There was no _eyefucking_ Lily.”

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_You ok?_   
_Has she turned up at your flat and murdered you?_   
_Only half joking, one of my uncles did that to an ex girlfriend. He’s in prison now._   
_He’s not a blood relative though I suppose, but still…_   
_Can you just let me know you’re ok?_

Remus looked down at his phone and snorted.

**Remus**   
_I’m ok, just talking it through with Lily. I told her I was texting you and she called me ridiculous. I’m inclined to agree with her today._   
_Your family gets more and more delightful the more I hear about them._

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_Reason 967 why I’m eternally grateful to James and his parents for taking me in._

**Remus**   
_Me too. Good job, James. Any idea about what to do about Tonks?_

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_Does it need to be objective?_

**Remus**   
_What’s the alternative?_

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_Selfish._

**Remus**   
_I suppose not, then._

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_Meet me after my lecture tomorrow, we’ll go get a coffee and I’ll tell you more about our family, which might make dating Tonks a bit easier._

**Remus**   
_Um, Sirius. I don’t actually want to date Tonks…_

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_Ah_   
_I see_   
_Right_   
_Ok_   
_Cool_

**Remus**   
_I know it makes me look like a prick, but I made it clear from the outset that I didn’t want to date and I’m sorry if she’s hurt, but I’m kinda mad that she thought that she could change my mind._

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_Understandable._

**Remus**   
_Do you hate me now, too?_   
_I’m not having much luck with your family right now, am I?_

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_No, it’s not that. I’d just prepared myself to deal with you two dating._   
_Ignore me. Meet me tomorrow anyway?_

**Remus**   
_Ok, I finish at 6, you?_

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_5:30, the cafe in the performance centre has the best coffee on campus?_

**Remus**   
_What’s their tea selection like? :p_

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_I’m disowning you._


	14. I don't care

“Has she spoken to you since?”

“Not since she told me to fuck off, no.” Remus sighed. “You?”

“Until she realised that I wasn’t mad at you too, yeah.” Sirius shrugged, “I was right, she definitely thought that you’d come around eventually.”

“That just makes me feel so weird.” He shook his head, “You wanted to talk to me about your family?”

“It would only be useful if you were planning to date Tonks, otherwise it’s just me telling you stories that are straight off Eastenders, pretty much.” 

**Table Invader**   
_I don’t care that you think that you’re too sick to date, that you think you’d be a burden. I JUST DON'T CARE. I’m used to that. Why won’t you give me a chance? I thought I made it clear how I feel about you._

Remus’ face must have given him away, “Tonks?”

“She says that she doesn't care if I think I’m a burden or too sick to date. Asks why I won’t give her a chance and my personal favourite, ‘I thought I made it clear how I feel about you.” 

“Well I’m fairly certain she made it clear. Fairly certain that you did too. From experience, it’s not something you’re shy about telling people.” Sirius laughed, “She’s always been headstrong and stubborn.”

“And I’m sure to some people that’s endearing, but I’m not someone who wants to be told that the way I feel is wrong, it’s not a decision I’ve made lightly.”

“What led to you make the decision not to date?”

“When Caradoc, my ex, and I broke up, he wrote me a letter explaining all of the things that he’d done for me, all of the times he’d had to carry me up the stairs, all of the baths he’d run me, the meals he’d made, the trips to hospital, all of it. He’d kept a log of all of it, and it made me feel like I was just this huge burden, because it had obviously bothered him enough to keep a note of it. I don’t want anyone else to have to deal with that, because they feel like they have to because they’re my partner. It’s bad enough having Lily, Marls and Dori,” He paused, “And you too now, I suppose. I try and do as much as I can, but it isn’t always enough to be considered fair.”

He looked up at Sirius whose face was set in a deep frown, “That’s the reason why?” Remus nodded, “Can’t you see that he only did that to guilt you into wanting to be with him again, because he’d done all that for you?”

“That would explain his surprise when I told him that I’d decided to stay single.” Remus mused. “It’s disgusting, seeing your life broken down like that, though.”

“I can imagine.”

“I hope I won’t feel like this forever.” Remus said quietly, “But I don’t know how to feel any other way, right now.”

***

“I thought you were seeing Gideon tonight?” James tried to flatten his hair, and look concerned at the same time.

“I went out with Gid last night.” Sirius mumbled. “Remus didn’t fancy being on his own. Marls and Dori are busy and Lily is somehow otherwise occupied.”

“So you get the best of both worlds now? You get to hang out with Remus tonight, and Gideon is su-”

“James!” Sirius shot his friend a mutinous look. “It’s not like that.”

“You got home at 8 this morning. What’s a guy supposed to think?” 

Sirius blushed in response, “Well, I’m not trying to use Gid as a substitute for Remus or anything like that.”

“Yet you moved your date so that you could spend time with him.”

“Jamie, he’s my friend. I’d move a date for you.” 

“I’ve yet to see proof of that.” He rolled his eyes. “Do I look overdressed to go bowling?”

“No, you actually look good.”

“You don’t need to sound so surprised, Pads.” James looked Sirius up and down, “But why do you look so dressed up, I thought it was just Netflix and chill, minus any chill on your part.”

“Tosser.” Sirius scoffed. “I’m allowed to look nice.”

“You’ve been texting them both an awful lot.”

“Is that a crime?” 

“No…” James frowned.

“But?”

“But I just don’t want you to get hurt by either of them.”

“Of course you don’t, but you can’t wrap me up in cotton wool just because I have questionable taste in men.” Sirius smirked, “Gideon seems nice enough. Apparently he had a thing for me when we were in a band together last year, but I was with Frank.”

“Just be careful, and don’t go getting attached to Remus.”

“We’re going to watch Project Runway, Jamie. It can hardly be misconstrued as anything other than just two guys watching fashion designers have meltdowns together.” Sirius added, “I am under no illusions about Remus’ stance on dating right now, and I’m not about to do a Tonks and ruin everything.”

“When did you grow up?” James pressed his hand to Sirius’ forehead. “Are you sick?”

“Haven’t you got somewhere to be?”

“Bugger. This isn’t over, I’ll see you later.” James grabbed his car keys and sprinted from the flat. It took two whole minutes before he reappeared. “I’m giving you a lift, aren’t I?” He sighed as Sirius doubled over laughing. “If you don’t come now, you’re walking.”

***

Just as Melissa was crowned the winner of the episode, there was a loud knock at the front door. Remus groaned before swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

“I can get it, if you want?” Sirius was on his feet in seconds. Remus looked at him nervously. “Ok?” Remus nodded, standing up slowly anyway. “You expecting anyone?”

“Unless Lily’s date has gone south very quickly, no. Plus, she has a key.”

Sirius crossed the flat to the front door and looked through the peephole. He crept back to Remus’ room, “It’s Tonks.”

“Are you serious?” Remus huffed as the smirk grew on Sirius’ face. “Yes, yes, you’re always Sirius.”

“Do you want me to answer it still?” He asked asked as she knocked again.

“She’s probably less likely to swing for you, but also more likely to jump to the wrong conclusion.” Remus said, “I’ll go. Stay in here?” 

As he opened the front door, he wasn’t prepared for the Tonks he saw in front of him. She’d dyed her hair a weird mousey brown and she wasn’t wearing any makeup. 

“You didn’t reply to my message.” She muttered. “Can I come in?”

“Now’s not a great time. I’m exhausted.” Remus said coolly.

“It won’t take long I just want to talk to you.” Before he could stop her, she had passed him and perched on the arm of the sofa.

“To answer you, you did make it clear how you felt about me, as I made it clear how I felt about you. To think that you could change my mind is, quite frankly, manipulative, and as for giving you a chance-”

“Yes, but can’t you see that _I don’t care_ if you don’t think you should date. I want to date you.” Remus looked at her like she’d grown an extra head.

“Tonks, I’m sorry.” Remus shook his head.

“Just give me one good reason why.” She shouted.

Remus’ bedroom door burst open, Sirius stood in the doorway with a face like thunder. “He can’t date you Nymphie, because he’s dating me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why am I like this?


	15. This is why we're dating.

Remus sank down into the armchair and stared at Sirius in disbelief. The words hung in the air as Tonks looked at Sirius, bewildered. 

“I know that you said that you wanted to break it to her gently, Re, I’m sorry.” Sirius added. “It just came out. I couldn’t help it.”

Tonks looked from Sirius to Remus and back again, her mouth open. “Are you s-” She stopped herself, “Are you for real?” 

“Very much so. I suppose we have you to thank for it, too.” Remus finally looked up, meeting Sirius’ frightened eyes. “We went for coffee on Monday evening and talked things through. We probably wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t accused me of eyefucking him at the weekend. So, thank you.”

“But- But- No, hold on. No- Remus doesn’t date people.” Tonks narrowed her eyes and turned to Remus. “You _said_ you don’t date people.”

“We went on a date once before, remember, and the one on Monday ended a lot better, so we decided that we’d like to give it a go. We’re keeping it fairly casual while we work out what it is exactly, but we’re treating it like we’re dating. Monogamy and all that.” Sirius crossed and perched on the arm of Remus’ Chair, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“I remember stories about you and all the girls from high school, Sirius, you wouldn’t know monogamy if it bit you on the arse.” Tonks had flushed a deep red.

Sirius sighed and looked at Remus, “Tonks, I was so far in the closet that I didn’t have the balls to correct anyone who claimed we slept together. Once people figured out that I wouldn’t call them out, a lot more jumped on the bandwagon. I’m very definitely gay and I’ve very definitely never shagged a girl.” He grimaced, “No offence.” Remus nodded his head in response. “Like Re said, it’s probably down to you that we gave it another go at all.”

“That’s not- No- This isn’t- Ugh!” Tonks growled, “Well, I can tell when I’m not wanted.”

She stood up and strode to the front door, letting herself out and slamming the door behind her. 

“I don’t think that she _can_ tell, to be honest.” said Sirius.

“Why are you the way that you are?” Remus laughed, leaning his head against Sirius’ arm. 

“I didn’t know what else to do. I felt like I needed to help and that was the first thing I thought of.” Sirius’ head was in his hands. “Sorry if it made you uncomfortable.”

“Don’t worry about it. Unless we see her on campus or something, I suppose.” Remus shrugged. “It won’t be too weird for you, will it? I don’t want to lead you on or anything.”

“I’ll be fine. I know where you’re at, don’t worry. More Project Runway?”

“Thank you, Mood!” Remus did his best Tim Gunn impression, causing Sirius to fall off the arm of his chair. 

Three episodes later, Remus had been quiet for a while, Sirius looked over and realised that he was asleep. He was torn. He didn’t know whether to stay or leave. Remus _had_ said that he didn’t feel like he wanted to be alone, and Lily wasn’t back yet. Sirius paused Netflix and texted Lily, whose number he had acquired through much pleading with James.

**Sirius (Marauders)**   
_Hey Lily, It’s Sirius. Remus has fallen asleep and I’m not sure whether to stay in case he wakes up or leave… in case he wakes up. He said he didn’t want to be on his own tonight, so would it be weird if I stayed until you get back at least. I don’t want to outstay my welcome or make him feel weird. Also if Tonks asks, Remus and I are dating now. I’ll explain later. Pads x_

**Most Radiant Lilyflower**   
_I won’t even ask about the Tonks thing, that’s way too much wtf for a Saturday night. Do whatever you feel is right, Remus wouldn’t mind you staying and I’m sure he’d understand if you needed to leave. If you do leave though, could you make sure that he’s comfy and not burning up? I might not be home tonight… (Don’t pull that face!) so if you didn’t want to share with Re, you could always sleep in my bed._

**Sirius (Marauders)**   
_If he’s all tangled up in the duvet should I wake him up so he can get comfortable?_

**Most Radiant Lilyflower**   
_Probably. He’ll be really grumpy for about 8 minutes and then he’ll be ok. He’ll need to take tablets before he goes to sleep anyway, so yeah, wake him. Have you decided if you’re going to stay?_

**Sirius (Marauders)**   
_Yeah, I’m going to stay. I’ll wake him up now, thanks :)_

**Most Radiant Lilyflower**   
_No problem, thanks for being a good friend to him, and to me. :)_

**Sirius (Marauders)**   
_Have a good night, and tell James I said not to bugger it up ;)_

Sirius looked at Remus' sleeping form, debating how to wake him up. He sat on the bed next to him, clasped his shoulder and shook it gently, “Re, wake up.”

Remus mumbled something that sounded distinctly like ‘fuck off’ but Sirius persisted until he opened his eyes. “No.”

“No?” Sirius chuckled.

“You woke me up!” Remus scowled, eyes still closed. 

“You need to take your tablets and you looked super uncomfortable and I’m not being responsible for you aching tomorrow.” Sirius tried not to sound nervous, or like this wasn’t a reasonable reason to be woken up.

“You texted Lily.” Remus finally opened his eyes. 

“I didn’t know whether you’d want me to stay or not.” Sirius looked a little sheepish, “I didn’t want you to read into it if I did, or be offended if I didn’t.”

Remus sat up slowly, groaning, “Do you want to stay?”

“Lily isn’t coming home tonight, so if you still don’t want to be alone, then I’m happy to stay.”

“That isn’t what I asked.”

“I suppose it means they can have the flat to themselves, I don’t need to hear that.” Sirius smiled.

“Nobody needs to hear that.” Remus agreed. He slipped out of bed and pulled his jumper over his head, then slid his jeans down his legs. “Did I miss much on Project Runway?”

“I paused it as soon as I realised you were asleep, so I hope not.”

“Thanks, fancy a cuppa. I have decaf.” Remus stumbled to the kitchen and Sirius followed, noticing that he kept wincing.

“Are you ok?” He asked eventually, he _must_ have passed the 8 minutes of grump by now.

“I have a weird pain in my back and round here.” He pointed to an area right of his belly button, almost on his side. “It’s not my appendix, before you jump to that conclusion, I had that out last year.”

“Is this a normal pain or a not normal pain?” Sirius guided Remus to a chair and pushed him down into it gently. He opened several cupboards looking for cups and teabags.

“I'm perfectly capable of making a cup of tea.” Remus huffed.

“I never implied otherwise, but if you’re in pain and I’m not, I’d rather do it, if that’s ok with you?” Sirius glanced over his shoulder. Remus was visibly pale and clammy. “Normal or not normal pain?”

“I suppose. Not normal, not this bad and not where it is.” Remus’ face dropped suddenly and he stood up abruptly, moving towards the bathroom. Sirius stared after him, not knowing what to do. He finished making the tea and poured Remus a glass of water from the filter jug in the fridge. He could hear Remus vomiting from the kitchen so he moved back into Remus’ room with their drinks and pretended to be engrossed in his phone until Remus reappeared. 

“Sounded rough.” Sirius smiled apologetically.

“You heard that?" Remus cringed. “Sorry.”

“I got you a glass of water.” Sirius pointed at the table that acted as a nightstand on Remus’ side of the bed, then blushed as he realised that in his mind he had already claimed a side of the bed.

Remus sipped his tea, though it was still probably too hot. “You remembered how I take it?” He quirked an eyebrow at his friend. “Impressive. _This_ is why we’re dating.” Sirius tried desperately not to read too much into this as he winked at him.


	16. Mind out of the gutter, Sirius.

When Lily returned just before 7am the following morning, she poked her head into Remus room and grinned. Remus was curled into Sirius’ chest with Sirius’ arms draped around him. He had kicked the blankets off his lower half and she took in his bare legs with a glimpse of his purple boxers which disappeared under the duvet. Remus was never very comfortable showing his body to anyone because of surgery scars and general anxiety about the way he looked. She couldn’t help but notice that Remus’ face looked gradually more and more pained and almost on cue, his eyes snapped open. 

“You ok?” Lily crept over to the bed and crouched beside him. Remus grimaced, then shook his head. “What’s wrong? Is it because…” She eyed Sirius, who slept on next to her friend.

“No, this is nice. I just have this... pain in my back and side.” Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

“Have you had it before?”

“Last night, but then it went away and I thought it was just a weird one-off.” Remus said quietly. 

“Why didn’t you text me? I’d have come home!”

“Which is exactly why I didn’t text you.” Remus smirked half-heartedly at her. 

“Have you called 111?” Remus groaned, “I’m serious.”

“No, I’m Sirius.” A sleepy voice muttered.

“Sorry, did we wake you up?” Remus frowned.

“It’s ok. How are you feeling? Did you keep that water down?” Sirius seemed wide awake suddenly, upon remembering where he was. 

“You threw up? Because of the pain?” Lily looked at Remus expectantly.

“If I call 111 and they’re useless, I’m blaming you.”

“If you call 111 and they get rid of your pain, you’re welcome.” Lily teased. “Sirius, come have a cuppa while he calls.” 

Sirius didn’t ask why Remus needed to be on his own to call, but figured that it was an anxiety thing, so he acted like it was a normal request and after pulling on his jeans, followed Lily to the kitchen. 

“Sorry I didn’t tell you that he was sick. I didn’t want to ruin your night and once he fell asleep I thought he’d be ok.” Sirius chewed his lip nervously. “I’d planned to stay awake and keep an eye on him but I guess I got too tired at some point. His bed is way too comfy.”

“It’s fine, Remus wouldn’t have wanted you to make a fuss, anyway.” Lily smiled up at him, “Tea or coffee?”

“Coffee, please. Black, no sugar.” Sirius sat at the small table, “How was your evening?” Lily had the decency to blush in response, eliciting a bark of laughter from Sirius. 

“I’m coming over again on Tuesday night, if you fancy doing another housemate swap?” Lily said, pouring hot water into three cups.

“If it’s alright with Remus, then yeah, count me in.” 

“I can’t see why it wouldn’t be, he seems very comfortable around you. It took years before he was alright with me seeing him in just his boxers.” Lily chuckled. “I’m just saying.”

“As long as he’s comfortable…” Sirius shrugged as Remus, slightly bent over and wearing a t-shirt and pyjama bottoms now, entered the kitchen. 

“They want me to go to the out of hours service at 1:30. Can you check the bus times?” He asked Lily.

“Did they say what they think it is?” She asked, pulling out her phone.

“Hold on, I’ll ask Jamie if he can give you a lift. His practice finishes at 12.” Sirius texted James before Remus could say no, then looked up slightly bashfully. 

“They didn’t say, no. I guess that’s why I need to see a doctor.” Remus made to sit down but was stopped by Lily.

“No, back into bed. These chairs are shit and you need to be comfortable.” She shooed him away, much to Sirius’ amusement. They both followed him, Sirius bringing Remus’ tea along with his coffee. Remus propped himself up on several pillows and pulled his laptop onto his lap. Lily indicated for Sirius to sit down and went to fetch more pillows from her room.

An hour later, Sirius in a surreal Lily and Remus sandwich, they were half way through Mamma Mia and Lily got up to make them all another drink, deaf to Remus’ protests.

**Jim Bob Jelly Pants**  
_Yeah of course, is he ok? I can leave now if he needs to go urgently._

**Super Serious**  
_He has an appointment at 1:30 so if you could come get us about 1, that would be perf?_

**Jim Bob Jelly Pants**  
_You didn't answer whether he’s ok or not_

**Super Serious**  
_I mean, I’m not actually sure. He’s obv sick, and pretty grumpy, but I would be too if I was in a lot of pain and people kept doing things for me and I felt useless._

**Jim Bob Jelly Pants**  
_If anything changes and you need me earlier, call me. I’ve got my phone on and I told Hooch that my friend is sick and I might need to leave, so no worries._

**Super Serious**  
_Thank you, you’re the best. I’ll keep you updated. Go score all the goals now Jimothy. Do it for your new dysfunctional family. We all believe in you._

**Jim Bob Jelly Pants**  
_You’re odd._

“Jamie said that a lift about one is no problem.” Sirius smiled up at Remus, then frowned as he saw how much Remus was in pain. “Is there anything I can do?”

“In my bottom drawer theres an electric heat pad. Could you grab it, please?” Remus muttered.

Sirius opened the bottom drawer and pulled out a cream rectangle with a plug attached. “This?” Remus nodded. Sirius took note of all of the bottles and boxes in the drawer before he shut it. He looked next to Remus for a plug socket and plugged it in. “Where do you need it?”

“Could you just wrap it around my side? Yeah, there’s great. Thanks.” Remus held the pad in place as Sirius sat down next to him again.

**Gid**  
_Hey, are you free this afternoon?_

**Sirius**  
_I’m looking after a sick friend at the moment, I’ll let you know if anything changes. I’m free tomorrow? ___

**Gid**  
_Me and Fab are in the studio until 3 tomorrow but I’m free after?_

**Sirius**  
_We could grab dinner somewhere?_

**Gid**  
_Sounds good to me. Hope your mate feels better soon._

__Lily returned soon after with three steaming cups and a plate of biscuits. Sirius feigned unworthiness and almost bowed down at her feet._ _

__“If you were hungry, you should have said!” Remus looked embarrassed._ _

__“I didn’t want you to feel obligated to feed me.” Sirius shrugged. “It’s fine.”_ _

__Remus didn’t looked convinced, but was soon distracted by Pierce Brosnan singing S.O.S. “Have you seen the interview where someone asked Colin Firth what he’d like to hear when he gets to heaven?”_ _

__“And he says ‘Personally, I thought you were very good in Mamma Mia.’?” Sirius nodded._ _

__“I mean he doesn't even need to go to heaven, he could come round here and I’d tell him.” Remus managed a smile that almost reached his eyes._ _

__“I’d have had you down as more of a Pierce Brosnan guy. Colour me shocked.”_ _

__“It’s a tough call between Meryl and Colin. Stellan and Pierce are good too, but nothing compared to Meryl and Colin.” Lily snorted. “Just because you can’t tear your eyes away from Dominic Cooper, doesn’t mean we all have to feel the same. What about you then Sirius? Pick a dad.”_ _

__“I’d have to say Stellan, like he just shows up on his boat and he’s so cool!” Sirius said, animatedly. “And his tattoos are awesome.”_ _

__“Well if you like tattoos…”_ _

__“Lily.” Remus said, warningly._ _

__“Do you have tattoos?” Sirius looked like a child on Christmas morning._ _

__Remus sighed, “I have one.”_ _

__“Where? What is it? Show me!” Lily cackled as Sirius became more and more like an excitable puppy._ _

__Remus groaned before rolling over slightly and pulling down his boxers and pyjamas to show his left bum cheek. On it was a very delicate, detailed crescent moon, with a small star next to it._ _

__“Fuck.” Sirius whispered. “That’s stunning.”_ _

__“Thanks. And how do you like the tattoo?” Remus smirked as he rolled back over, clutching the heat pad to his side._ _

__“Yeah, that’s nice too.” Sirius blushed furiously. “Is there a story behind it? The tattoo, I mean.”_ _

__Remus laughed, “Not really, I’ve always just felt a weird affinity with the moon and when Caradoc offered to pay for a tattoo for my 18th birthday, it seemed logical that’s what I should get.”_ _

__“Despite that prick having paid for it, I love it.” Lily added, with a sly look at Sirius._ _

__“I love people’s reactions to it.”_ _

__“Get your arse out a lot then, do you?” Sirius chuckled._ _

__“Mind out of the gutter, Sirius.”_ _

__“Whatever you say, Moony.” Sirius and Lily shared a knowing look as Remus spluttered at the nickname. “Whatever you say.”_ _


	17. I'm an old man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there's been a bit of an absence of new chapters. I got carried away writing Holiday fics, (Still have five to finish, oops), and then I moved house last week and am now experiencing the M.E. flare that was obviously bound to happen afterwards.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

“Moony?” James had asked on the way to the hospital. “Why Moony?”

“Remus here thinks that the moon landing was faked.” Sirius threw his hands in the air. “Faked! Why would they even bother?”

Lily’s shoulders were shaking in the passenger seat, and though Remus tried to keep a straight face, there was a slight tremor in his voice. “What can I say? I just _don’t _buy into it. Where did they get all the money from? Surely there were better things to spend it on. Healthcare, Education? What kind of a stupid idea is walking on the moon anyway? Don’t even get me started on all the inaccuracies.”__

__“Remus, you _wound_ me. I thought you were supposed to be clever, with your smart person degree.” Sirius clutched at his heart. “You’ve watched too many conspiracy videos on youtube.”_ _

__“Honestly, I’m waiting for the Buzzfeed Unsolved video on it, to be honest.” Remus said, “That will be a big deal.” James was looking at him in the rear view mirror in surprise. H_ _

__“Wheeze.” Sirius deadpanned. “I can’t decide if I like the true crime or the supernatural more.”_ _

__“Oh, I’ll always prefer the true crime.” Remus said. “I love anything like that.”_ _

__“You like crime shows, too? Like Criminal Minds?” Remus nodded, “Well, it looks like we have found something else to binge.”_ _

__“Sounds good to me, Padf-” Remus winced again and bent forward slightly._ _

__“Not far now, Moony. Just another couple of minutes.” Sirius said quietly, letting his hand rub small circles on the top of Remus’ back._ _

__“Where is it you’re supposed to go, Moony?” James asked as they pulled into the hospital complex._ _

__“Oh, not you as well!” Remus groaned. “They said if I go in through the minor injuries door and then turn left, I think.”_ _

__“Minor injuries.” Lily pointed at a sign and James pulled in swiftly._ _

__Lily and Sirius looked at one another, as if arguing mentally who would accompany Remus. As if he could read their minds, Remus opened his door and stepped out before they could say anything. “Thanks, James, I’ll give you a shout when I’m done. I wouldn’t park here, it’ll be extortionate.”_ _

__It was Sirius who caught up with him a few seconds later. “You’re a real piece of work, you know that?”_ _

__Remus blanched and swallowed audibly. He nodded before looking around and disappearing into the disabled toilet. Sirius saw a water cooler in the waiting area and poured Remus a small plastic cup of water._ _

__“Sorry, it got worse.” Remus winced as he left the bathroom, sipping the water gratefully. “I knew I was going to throw up, so I couldn’t wait around for you and Lil to make a decision.”_ _

__“Grim.” Sirius frowned._ _

__Remus checked in and sat down next to Sirius. “I’m quite good at knowing when I’m going to throw up. I’ve only been caught out once in the last couple of years. There’s a positive I can take from all this.” He paused, “Look, I know I’m not very good at accepting people’s help and support. The thing is, it feels like pity a lot of the time, and I hate feeling like people pity me.”_ _

__“I don’t pity you.” Sirius’ hand traced a swirly pattern on Remus’ kneecap._ _

__“I know you don’t. Thank you.” Remus smiled, “I’m sorry I pushed you away, I should have given you a chance.”_ _

__“You did eventually.”_ _

__“I suppose so. Thank you for last night, though. I didn’t actually feel like a burden, shockingly.” Remus looked down at his hands. “I’m glad that you decided to stalk me on a drunken whim.”_ _

__“I don’t know whether to be offended or flattered.” Sirius frowned. “I never actually _stalked_ you, you know.”_ _

__“No, I know. I’m grateful for whatever it was all the same.”_ _

__“Me too, Moony.”_ _

__***_ _

__“Kidney stones?” Lily yelped._ _

__“I’m an old man.” Remus moaned, “I’m so old!”_ _

__“When’s your X-Ray, next week?” James asked._ _

__“Tuesday at 3.” Remus added, “I can get the bus, though. It’s not a big deal.”_ _

__“Nope. No chance. We finish uni at 1 next Tuesday so I’ll drive you.” James smiled in the rear view mirror._ _

__“Thanks.” Remus said quietly. He’d noticed that Sirius had been texting a lot since they’d left the hospital. When Sirius next looked over at him, he quirked an eyebrow. Sirius blushed._ _

__“I have a date tomorrow.” Sirius muttered. Remus certainly didn’t expect to feel disappointed, or even _hurt_. He was the one who had been so adamant that he didn’t date, after all._ _

__“Cool.” Remus said, in what he hoped was an even tone, “Anyone I know?”_ _

__“Gideon, the guitarist from The Prewetts.” Sirius was biting his lip nervously._ _

__“The one with the septum piercing? Nice!” Remus did his best to at least look like he was being supportive of his friend. “First date?”_ _

__“No, we went out on Thursday night. He asked if I could do something today, but I told him I was looking after my friend, so we’re going for dinner tomorrow night.”_ _

__“You could still see him today, I’ll be ok.” Remus frowned._ _

__“Nah, I already cancelled on him. What kind of friend would I be if I left you in your hour of need?” Sirius looked up to find Lily glaring at him, “That came out wrong. What I mean is… I’d like to spend this afternoon with _you_. If that’s ok?”_ _

__Remus studied his face before nodding, even if it was somewhat sulkily. “We can start watching Criminal Minds, if you want?”_ _

__“Sounds like a plan. Have you taken your antibiotic?”_ _

__“Nah, I haven’t got anything to take it with. I’ll do it when we get home.” Remus leant back against the seat and closed his eyes. Sirius took this as a sign that he wasn’t up for conversation and took the opportunity to check his phone._ _

__**Gid**   
_How’s your mate? Saw James checked in at the hospital, hope it’s not too bad._ _ _

__**Sirius**   
_He’s ok, needed to be seen by an out of hours GP so we ended up at the hospital. He should be fine though. Thanks for asking. How’s your Saturday going?_ _ _

___**Gid**   
_It’d be better if you were here ;)_   
_Fab and I are playing overwatch and listening to abba. Could be worse._ _

___**Sirius**   
_Sounds pretty perfect._   
_Think I’ll be watching a lot of Netflix this afternoon, though my friend lives with Lily who put on the gig last week, and she’s an excellent cook apparently, so here’s hoping that I may get fed._ _

__**Gid**   
_Oh is your friend the hot, tall guy with the nose piercing, the denim jacket and all that wavy hair?_ _ _

__**Sirius**   
_Yeah, that’s him. His name is Remus._ _ _

__**Gid**   
_Should I be jealous? ;)_ _ _

__**Sirius**   
_Nah, Remus doesn’t date so you have nothing to worry about haha_ _ _

___**Gid**  
 _But if he did, I would?_   
_Wasn’t he there with the pink haired girl?_   
_He doesn’t date?_   
_Are you sure?_  
 _I take it you’ve asked him, then?__

___**Sirius**  
 _You’re reading way too much into this, we’re just friends._   
_You’re the one I’m going on a date with tomorrow.__

___**Gid**  
 _Yeah, after ditching me for him today, though._   
_Is he the friend you needed to see last night too?_   
_The reason you moved our date?__

___**Sirius**  
 _Are you really doing this?_   
_Ffs. _  
_He’s my FRIEND and he’s SICK._   
_Would you rather I was the type of person who left my sick friend on their own?_  
 _I don’t get what your issue is_  
 _If this is something you can’t handle then maybe we shouldn’t go on another date.____

____Sirius slid his phone back into his pocket with a sigh._ _ _ _

____“Trouble in paradise.” He jumped as Remus spoke._ _ _ _

____“I’m beginning to understand why you don’t date. It’s more hassle than it’s worth.” Sirius forced a laugh._ _ _ _

____“Speak for yourself.” Lily turned around and winked at them. James grinned at her. “I think we’re going to go to the cinema. That ok, Re?”_ _ _ _

____“You don’t need to ask me that.” He smiled, “Go, and have fun. I have the delectable Padfoot here to keep me company.”_ _ _ _

____“ _Mooooooony_!” Sirius cooed. “You flatter me.” _ _ _ _

____“I wouldn’t get too used to it.” Remus smirked at him. He didn’t know what it was, but something about knowing that Sirius was dating somebody else made him feel less self conscious, and more inclined to flirt with his beautiful friend._ _ _ _

____“I really wouldn’t.” Lily muttered. “Let me know if you need anything while I’m out.” She turned to face Remus as they pulled up outside their building. “If it gets worse, 111 or A and E.”_ _ _ _

____“I’m sure Sirius will keep a watchful eye on me.” Remus laughed, “If you ask nicely, he might send you hourly Moony updates.”_ _ _ _

____“You’d have to ask really fuckin’ nicely though.” Sirius nodded._ _ _ _

____“Thanks for driving us, James. You’re a lifesaver.” Remus clapped James on the shoulder from the seat behind him.”_ _ _ _

____“Anytime. Remind me about Tuesday, closer to the time, and I’ll drive you over.” He smiled at Remus in the rear view mirror._ _ _ _

____“That’s so good of you. Thanks.” Remus ducked his head slightly._ _ _ _

____“Right, don’t-”_ _ _ _

____“Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do?” Remus cut across Lily, “You’re leaving me with less and less that I can’t do.”_ _ _ _

____“Cheers Prongs. See you later, Lily.” Sirius opened the door, “Come on Moony. Criminal Minds waits for no man.” Remus scooted across the backseat and followed Sirius, giving Lily’s hand a squeeze as he went._ _ _ _

____As soon as they got into the flat, Remus felt like his bladder was about to burst, he rushed off to the toilet, and when he returned, found Sirius making tea._ _ _ _

____“You’re a guest here, you don’t have to make the tea.” Remus leant against the doorframe._ _ _ _

____“I know I don’t _have_ to.” He poured the water into the cups. “Take your antibiotic.”_ _ _ _

____“Fine!” Remus poured himself a glass of water and popped the pill out of the blister pack. He swallowed it expertly and nodded at Sirius. “Done.”_ _ _ _

____“Good.” He picked up the mugs and started towards Remus’ bedroom. Remus smiled at his retreating form. Then he shook his head quickly. It was typical Remus to start catching feelings as soon as Sirius became unavailable. “You coming?” Sirius smirked as Remus jumped, then followed him down the hall._ _ _ _


	18. Chapter 18

“So what’s happening with Sirius and Gideon?” Lily asked, as they queued to buy tickets. “I suppose it’s good that he’s not pining over Remus, but I have to admit that I was hoping Remus would get over himself and they’d get together. They have so much chemistry!”

“I think he probably is still pining over Remus to be honest. This is his way of trying to move on. Gid really isn’t his type, based on experience.” James shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong, Gid’s nice enough. He’s just not…”

“Not what?”

“You know how they have that… banter? But it’s smart as well as playful?” Lily nodded, “He wouldn’t get that with Gid. He’s nice, don’t get me wrong, but he isn’t snarky and intelligent like Remus is. They balance each other out pretty well from what I’ve seen.”

“Re’s so comfortable around him. It makes me so happy, he spent too long shutting people out.”

“I was worried Pads would do that, after Frank.” 

“Well we can hope that they’ll both realise eventually. Sooner rather than later, hopefully.” Lily smiled. She took James’ hand and swung it between them. “Like we did.” 

***

**Gid**   
_Do you find Remus attractive?_   
_Sirius?_   
_Are you really ignoring me right now?_

Sirius looked down at his phone and growled. Remus looked over at him, eyes wide. Sirius shook his head and threw his phone down to the bottom of the bed.

“Gideon?” He asked quietly.

“He’s being a dick because I’m spending time with you.” Sirius frowned.

“Sirius, if it’s going to be a problem between you two then-”

“Don’t say that. Don’t even _think_ it. This is his issue, not mine, and definitely not yours.” He shook his head again, “If _he_ can’t handle me spending time with someone that I think is attractive, then _he_ needs to think about why that is. I’m not going to apologise for it, because I’m human, and there’s a huge difference between thinking things and acting on them. I’m not a cheater. After Frank and Alice, I couldn’t do that to someone.”

“Frank’s your ex, right?” Remus asked. “After what happened on our date, James told Lily that you’d had a shitty break up... I’m sorry if I made it worse.”

“You didn’t. It’s fine. It happened not long before I met you. In fact the night I met you was the first time I went out since it happened. Not that you were a rebound or anything like that.” Sirius groaned. “I was with Frank for almost a year. We got together not long after freshers. He lived with his friend Alice, who he’d known since, like, primary school. I always felt a little weird about her, like she didn’t like me. I didn’t trust her, and it made me feel like a horrible person. I walked in on them fucking in September. Haven’t heard from him since he dropped my things that I’d left there outside my door.”

“Wow, yeah that’s a shitty break up. I’m sorry.” He took Sirius’ hand in his. “I told you a bit about Caradoc, my ex. He basically did what Gid’s doing to you now but he did it for two years. He almost tore Lily and I apart, because he was so jealous of her, even though I kept reassuring him that I chose _him_ and wanted to be with _him_. I think some people are just hard wired that way and until he can accept that, and actively try to change or get help, then nothing will be different.”

“So you’re saying that I shouldn’t go out with him again?”

“I won’t tell you how to live your life, but if _I_ were dating him, I’d stop unless he trusted me.” Remus nodded to himself. “However, if you wanted to continue dating him, and needed to stop seeing me, or seeing me as much, I’d understand.”

“You would?”

“I wouldn’t be happy about it, but people have to make tough decisions for love.” Remus smiled, “So I’d understand.”

“I’m not going to stop being your friend, or stop seeing you. Even if I was madly in love with the guy, I’d never… Apart from James, you’re one of the best things in my life.”

“You’ve literally known me a few weeks.” Remus laughed. “But I’m glad you feel the same way I do.”

***

“Afternoon.” Sirius lifted his head off the cafe table and looked up. His face lit up when he saw Remus. 

“You’re in the Performance Centre.” Sirius said, stunned.

“I knew you had a break for a while, and I got out of a seminar early, thought I’d come back and try a different tea.” He winked at Sirius. “Tough lecture?”

“Something like that. I have to make a music video for one of my songs and I have no idea what to do. I’ve sat here doodling for twenty minutes because I just can’t…” Sirius shook his head. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Write down the lyrics of your song, I’ll get you a coffee.” Remus dropped his bag next to Sirius and went up to the counter. When he returned Sirius had written most of the lyrics down and accepted the coffee gratefully.

“You’re the best.”

“I certainly try.” Remus laughed. “Where’s James?”

“He has a guitar lesson now. He’s all sorted with his video too. When we were in sixth form, he took Film, Media Studies and Music. He’s got all sorts of video clips he could use already.” Sirius wailed. “I just feel useless. This isn’t why I did a music course.”

“Take a breath. We’ll figure something out, ok?” Remus took Sirius hand, the one not clutching the large black coffee, in his gently. “It’ll be fine. I write, I can come up with something, I’m sure James will help you film, Lily will help too. We’re a team.”

Sirius stared at him as he squeezed his hand and then their eyes met. Sirius swore that Remus started to lean in slightly, so followed suit. They were a few inches apart when Sirius heard Gideon’s voice.

“Sirius?” 

“Fuck.” Sirius said under his breath, letting go of Remus’ hand. “Alright, Gid? Remus is helping me with The Hit Machine project.”

“He was having a breakdown when I got here. I’m glad I got here when I did.” Remus forced a smile. “Nice to properly meet you, finally.” He stuck out a hand, which Gideon shook reluctantly. 

“Same.” Gideon said in a somewhat strangled voice. “Are we still on for tonight, Siri?”

“Yeah, of course. Spoons at nine?” Sirius chewed his lip.

“Cool. See you later then.” Gideon disappeared into one of the doors down the hallway.

“He calls you Siri? Like ‘Siri, can you find me a cafe?’?” Remus smirked.

“More like ‘Siri, can you find me a backbone so I stop agreeing to go out with him?’.” Sirius groaned. “It’s not fair on him. It’s not going to go anywhere, and I feel like I’m leading him on.”

“So tell him, tonight.” 

“Its not that simple.” Sirius frowned.

“It really is.” Remus shrugged. “Let’s look at these lyrics, anyway.”


	19. I'm a rainbow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I'm kinda sorry, kinda not. 
> 
> aahahahahahaha oh no

_‘All I want is to go home_   
_No-one lives there anymore_   
_An empty shell_   
_With my empty bags_   
_By the door_

_And you’ll be counted with the dead_   
_Until they bring you back alive_

_Dear John, this ring on my finger is letting love linger_   
_Is it wrong, if you take it back?_   
_None of us can wait forever_   
_And you’re not the only one under attack_

_More than just a casualty_   
_No bruise, unbroken skin_   
_They’ll never tell_   
_If I’m shut out_   
_Or you’re shut in_

_So just count me with the dead_   
_Until they bring me back alive_

_Dear John, this ring on my finger is letting love linger_   
_Is it wrong, if you take it back?_   
_None of us can wait forever_   
_And you’re not the only one under attack_

_In this house of broken heads_   
_Behind closed doors_   
_In this house of broken heads_   
_and broken laws_

_And I’ll be counted with the dead_   
_Until they bring you back alive_

_Dear John, this ring on my finger is letting love linger_   
_Is it wrong, if you take it back?_   
_None of us can wait forever_   
_And you’re not the only one under attack’_

Remus read the lyrics over and over, aware of Sirius’ eyes on him. He looked up finally, “This is…Sirius… What the fuck inspired this?”

“I knew you’d ask that.” Sirius kept his eyes on the paper, feeling suddenly vulnerable and not wanting Remus to see any more of his bared soul than absolutely necessary. “It’s inspired a lot by my family. Not the Potters, my _biological_ family.” He grimaced, “I had this uncle, Alphard, he was gay too, and my family all hated him. He was one of the only decent ones, looking back. He died when I was seventeen, left me everything. He was treated so badly by everyone. Andy, Tonks’ mum, she’s the only other decent one to be honest. Well, she told me a story about him once, that he had a partner called John, they were together for most of their lives, and then John was committed to a mental institution with PTSD or shell shock or whatever they called it then. Alf visited him every week even though it was hours away from where he lived. The thing is, though, the people in charge never told Alf that at any point he could have requested for John to be released, until after _they_ had decided that he should be released. I can’t imagine what that must have been like for him... for both of them. So, I guess I tried to think about what Alf would have been thinking.” 

“Wow, that’s... heavy. I wasn't ready for that. Fuck.” Remus’ face was solemn. “I- I love it. From a linguistic point of view, there’s absolutely nothing that I’d change. It’s very raw and emotional. Seriously good.”

"Siriusly good?" Sirius grinned as Remus groaned. “You think so? Mr Big-shot-writer thinks my writing is good?”

“Yep. It has the Lupin seal of approval.” Remus laughed. “Did you have any idea of what you wanted to do for the video?”

“Other than have two guys pining for each other and making it majorly homoerotic, no. Maybe some glitter.”

“Of course.” Remus rolled his eyes, “I think the imagery of the house of broken heads is particularly poignant. There’s the empty bags too, and being shut out.” Remus pulled a pack of coloured pens out of his bag and began to annotate Sirius’ lyrics. Sirius looked on in amazement as ideas began to form in front of his eyes.

After a while, Sirius’ mind began to wander. He looked up from the marks Remus was making on his lyrics and locked eyes with Tonks. 

“Shit. Tonks is over there.” He said in a low voice, as he shuffled closer to Remus. “Don’t look. Don’t make it obvious.”

Remus looked up, but turned to look at Sirius. “You are honestly the worst fake boyfriend I’ve ever had, you know.”

“Please, I’m the _only_ fake boyfriend you’ve ever had.” Sirius found his head resting on Remus’ shoulder, without any memory of putting it there. “Oh, she’s coming over. Fuck. Look busy.”

Remus snorted as Tonks stood next to the table. "Remus. Sirius." She said curtly.

“Long time, no see Dora.” Remus smiled at her, “You alright?”

“I just thought you’d want to know that your boyfriend was in Club I with some ginger guy all over him on Thursday night.” She folded her arms, a smug grin on her face.

Remus’ eyes were flicking between the cousins, he frowned. “You said you were going out with James.”

“We met a load of people from our course in Spoons.” Sirius moved away slightly, shrugging. 

“Oh, so it was just Gideon?” Remus’ face brightened up.

“Obviously.”

“Ah, right. Thanks for the slightly overzealous detective skills Tonks, but it’s fine. That’s just how Gid is. I think he fancies your gorgeous cousin.” Remus pulled Sirius back closer to him. “He’d have to be mad or blind not to, though.” He winked at Tonks and returned to his writing, one hand still stroking Sirius’ thigh slowly.

“Sorry for looking out for you, Lupin.” She flicked her still-mousey-brown hair as she turned around and went back into her class. 

“Let’s just hope she never meets Gid.” Sirius chuckled. “That would be a nightmare.”

“Don't jinx it you prick." He squeezed his thigh, "I was thinking... Dori and Marls could be really helpful with your video. I texted Marls just now and she’s booked one of the photography studios for next Thursday. That sound ok?”

“Remus, you are truly the light of my life.” Remus tried to quell the butterflies he got in his stomach, but ended up blushing and muttering something about that much being obvious.

***

“So _you’re_ the famous Sirius Black who stole my Remus away.” Marlene looked him up and down, pursed her lips, then threw her arms around Sirius’ neck, on tiptoe. “He was right, your eyes are _particularly_ memorable. You’ll definitely do.” 

Remus shot her a dirty look as Sirius laughed, “There was no stealing, Marls. I’m just another heart he’s broken.”

“You know, we could probably set up a society. Get together for therapy sessions and drink to forget him. The Lupin Rejects.” Remus threw his orange peel at Marlene. 

“Why did I ever think you two meeting would be a good idea?” Remus groaned. 

“Because your _darling_ Sirius needs help shooting his music video, and who better than your Theatre Arts and Photography friends?” Marlene drawled as Dorcas poked her head round the door and strolled in. “Babe!”

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look as Marlene greeted her girlfriend passionately. She was, in Remus’ experience, never one to shy from public displays of affection. He shrugged slightly and Sirius smiled. 

“He isn’t _my_ darling Sirius, Marls. _This_ idiot got himself a boyfriend.” Remus smiled at his friend fondly. Sirius frowned slightly. After a week of not knowing what to do about Gideon, he eventually decided to give it a go. He still spent as much time, if not more with Remus as he did with Gid, which was beginning to become a bit of a bone of contention between the two of them. He enjoyed spending time with Gid, they had fun, _a lot of fun_. But it just wasn’t _it_ for Sirius, which he felt awful about. Every time Remus asked him about it, he’d exaggerated and made it sound like he was having the time of his life.

“What are you doing for Christmas, Sirius?” Dorcas asked once she’d come back up for air. “Can you help us convince _this_ idiot that staying here alone is the most stupid thing he could do?”

“I have an appointment on 27th December at the hospital and there’s no way I could get back if I went home for Christmas. So I’m going to stay. It’s not a big deal. I’ll watch Doctor Who and eat turkey soup and I’ll end up Facetiming you all anyway, so I don’t know why you’re making such a fuss.”

“And if you have a flare?” Sirius looked concerned. “How long will you be on your own?”

“Eleven days. Ten if I find something to do on New Year.” Remus mumbled, “But it really isn't a big deal.”

Sirius looked over at Dorcas and Marlene who had begun discussing different frames on the story board. He said quietly; “What if I came and stayed with you? Before you get funny, I felt a bit weird about going home this year anyway. Jamie's spending half the holiday up where you’re from with Lils, and I’ve never been on my own with mum and dad and I love them to bits but I still feel weird about it and don’t look at me like that Remus.” Sirius ignored Marlene’s smirk. “I can sleep in Lily’s room, we’ll have a proper Christmas dinner and it will be fun.”

“Aren’t you seeing Gid over Christmas though?” Remus raised an eyebrow. 

“Nah, he has a huge family and Christmas seems like this massive thing for him and I’m not really about that life. He has mountains of nephews, like five or something.” He met Remus’ eyes. “I really wish you’d stop looking at me like that, Moony.”

“If you really want to, I’m not going to say no.” He shrugged. “We’ll talk about it later. You can take me for coffee when we're done. For now, what do you want me to do in this bloody video?”

***

“You’re a pretty good actor.” Sirius said, as he stirred his coffee. “Very real, very believable.”

“Believe it or not, I actually have experience of touching another man’s face while being both besotted and incredibly sad.” Remus wiped away an imaginary tear.

“Take the compliment Remus. You’re a natural.”

“I grew up lying to people a lot about being ill. I guess that helped.” Remus grinned, “That, and I took A Level Drama.”

“You never told me that you little shit.” Remus snorted, inhaling some of the Earl Grey he’d allowed Sirius to buy him as payment for him starring in his music video. “I bet you got a bloody A too.”

“Nah, I got a C. Mainly because I was at school less than 40% of the year that year.” Remus smiled. “Still impressed with my C though.”

“You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?” Sirius shook his head. “You’re an enigma.”

“Mysterious and difficult to understand?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Thanks, I think.” Remus chewed on his bottom lip.

“What are you worrying about?” 

"What?" Remus' eyes flicked up to meet Sirius'.

"You're literally gnawing on your lip and you only do that when something is worrying you or you're stressing. So what's wrong?" Sirius asked, fondly.

"It's not important Sirius, I'm being stupid."

"Tell me."

“Have you thought about how Gideon might feel about the music video?” Remus asked quickly, eyes focused on his cup. Sirius was speechless for a few seconds, of all of the things he thought Remus could be worrying about, that wouldn’t have even made the top one-hundred.

“I… No, I didn’t… Do you think he’ll… He already thinks… Fuck.” Sirius face passed through multiple shades of every colour from pink through to a definite grey. “I didn’t even think. I mean, it’s just acting?”

"You and I know that. You said that I'm a good actor." Remus shook his head. "I don't want him getting the wrong idea."

"So what if I use you in my music video and we have chemistry? He knows I'm with him. You know I'm with him. If he gets himself worked up then-"

“Far be it for me to tell you what to do, Pads.” Sirius smirked at the use of his nickname. “But do you not think you’re being a really shitty boyfriend? Like a Frank, or a Caradoc?”

Sirius frowned, “Is that honestly what you think?”

“You just don’t seem to be invested, and I’m- I don’t want to be Gideon’s ‘Alice’. Not that I’m saying that you’re cheating, or that I’m- I- Well, you know where I’m at. We’re friends. So I don’t feel particularly uncomfortable telling you that if you were _my_ boyfriend and you were spending more time with Gideon than you were with me, and then I saw the music video and knowing that you were into him once… I don’t know, I’d need more than a little reassurance, but maybe that’s just me.”

“So you’re telling me to stop spending time with you?” Remus sighed, “No, don’t just sigh at me. I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m just saying, you don’t seem to be thinking about him at all.”

“Just because I don’t overthink everything like you do, doesn’t mean that I don’t think about him or consider his feelings. I see him when I want to see him. Whether or not I found you attractive back in September is irrelevant. You are my _friend_ , Remus. I wanted you to be in the video because you’re my friend and you have- your face is- You fit the aesthetic that I wanted. It’s not because of _you_.”

"I look like a depressed gay, missing my boyfriend who's been wrongly locked up? Thanks." Remus' lip curled slightly. "You could have found any skinny white boy on campus and they'd have done an equally homoerotic job."

"They probably wouldn't have spent so long with their hands in my hair." 

"You can't say shit like that. You have a boyfriend." Sirius' face grew stony. "If you wouldn't say it to James or Pete, you shouldn't say it to me."

"So tell me what I can say to you, then." Sirius spat. "Tell me what I'm allowed to do."

“I’m not telling you what to do.” Remus snapped.

“Well it seemed like you were making a good go of it just then. Comparing me to Frank? Fucking thanks. This is my relationship, not yours. What happens between Gid and I is none of your fucking business. I can see why you don’t date if this is what you’re like.” Sirius said cooly, which was worse than if he'd have shouted it. Remus eyes widened slightly. He finished his tea and set the cup down in silence before standing and leaving the cafe. “Fuck.”

***

“What did you say to him, Black?” Lily had him backed against the bathroom wall. How she could be so tiny and yet so terrifying was perplexing. “What the fuck did you do?”

“Lils…” James was in the doorway, torn. 

“He hasn’t come out of his room since Thursday. He's ignoring all of us. The last time he seemed ok was when he was filming your bloody video. Dorcas said you were essentially rock hard for each other the whole time and that you were having a whale of a time. What the fuck happened?” Lily was shaking, “I’m going home tomorrow, he’s going to be alone for almost two weeks and you said you’d be around and you’d keep each other company. Now that’s obviously not going to be the case, and I want to know _why_!”

“He compared me to Frank and Caradoc.” Sirius snarled, “Said I was a shitty boyfriend.”

“Seems to me like you’re a shitty friend and he wasn’t wrong.” She seethed. 

“That’s exactly it, though.” Sirius lowered his voice. “He _isn’t_ wrong.” He looked up from the floor. “I _want_ to just want Gideon, I really do. I want him to be the first thing I think about when I wake up, I want to be able to love him. I want him to make me happy. I want this to be simple.” A tear rolled slowly down Sirius’ cheek. “I don't want to sound like I’m constantly making excuses. I’m just so muddled up. I'm so- I just- I don’t want to hurt anyone, and it’s all I seem to do.”

“Lily.” James’ voice was a little more urgent. She turned to look at him, seeing her phone in his hand. “Remus is on his way to hospital. He’s alright, but they want to get some antibiotics in him through an IV and do some more tests. He says not to panic, and that he’ll be fine.”

“I’m not finished with you.” She jabbed her finger into Sirius’ chest before leaving the bathroom, grabbing her shoes and leaving the flat. 

Sirius slid down the wall, face crumpled.

***

“You should have called me.” Lily said after a while.

“I texted you!” Remus said. “You didn’t have to come. I'm fine. You’re supposed to be packing to go home. I’m _fine_.”

“Well I wasn’t even doing that, I was trying to get some answers out of Sirius about what he said to you.” Lily stroked his hand gently, “What happened, Re?”

“He said that he can see why I don’t date, because of the way I am.” Remus shrugged, “It doesn’t seem like a big deal now, but after that afternoon, I- I just- Lily, I am so fucking in love with him.”

“What?” Lily froze. “What did you just say?”

“It’s- Sirius. You know him? I’m in love with him. In love with Sirius.” Remus chewed his lip vigorously as he nodded to himself. “It’s fucking ridiculous though, after everything. I think that’s probl- prollo- probably, probably why I so was so bothered about how he’s treating Gideon, I don’t know. I told him he was a shitty boyfriend. Even though I wasn't wrong, I deserved what he said to me.”

“You’re in love with Sirius?” Lily’s mouth hung open. “As in _Sirius_?”

“I know, I’m stupid.” 

“Is this the morphine talking? Are you serious?” 

“Sirius. Mmmm." Remus thought for a second. "Could be the morphine. Feels nice in my kidney. I’m pretty sure I love him, though.” He smiled at her, “Don’t tell him, or James. Please. Especially don’t tell Gideon. Pretty sure he’s a ninja.”

“Your secret’s safe with me.” She rested her chin on his arm. “Why don’t _you_ tell Sirius, though? I’m pretty sure he’s still into you.”

“There’s like seventeen reasons why not.” He looked at Lily like that was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. “One. He has a boyfriend. Two. He’s my friend. C. I’ve turned him down. Four? Yeah, four. I walked out on him on a date. Six. I literally called him a shitty boyfriend three days ago.” His smile dropped slightly, “Besides, I wouldn’t want him to love me back. He’d have to put up with so much shit. I honestly don’t think I could let him love me.”

“Re, don’t even go down that road. I will kick you so hard once you’re out of here.” Lily growled. 

“When _can_ I get out of here?” Remus’ eyelids started to droop. “I want to sleep in my own bed.”

“I’ll go and ask a nurse.” Lily stood up. “I can’t believe you fell in love with him.”

“He’s a unicorn, Lil. He’s a unicorn and _I’m_ a rainbow.” Remus smiled, his eyes shut tight. 

“Yeah, you are.” Lily smiled fondly at him before walking to the nurse’s station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://soundcloud.com/chloedea/dear-john 
> 
> shameless self promotion 
> 
> also the story about Sirius' family is true. My nana's dad was put in an institution after the war and his wife was never told that she could have discharged him at any time. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)


	20. Wow, morbid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little shortie :)

“How’s my favourite little rainbow doing?” Lily’s beaming face appeared on the screen of his laptop and Remus rolled his eyes. 

“I swear-”

“Merry Christmas!” She shouted over him.

“It’s six in the morning.” He deadpanned. “At least three hours too early for anything to be considered Merry.”

“And yet you’re awake. Up early or up late? Stupid question. Why aren’t you sleeping?” 

“Do you think I’ve actually ruined things with Sirius permanently? Like, if you and James get married, are we just going to be there avoiding eye contact as he slow dances with Gideon and while I inevitably prop the bar up. What if you have kids? Are we going to have to have shifts of who can see them when? My mind just keeps going and going and I can’t make it stop.” She stared at him for so long that he thought the video had frozen. “Lily?”

“I’m here, I just don’t know what to say. I don’t have the answer, and it’s shit. You just need to talk to him.”

“He’s literally fifteen minutes walk away, and he’s going to be on his own today too. We haven’t spoken at all since… you know. I don't know what to say to him.” Remus cleared his throat. “Anyway, enough misery and self pity. What did James get you?”

Lily held up a brand new iPhone, looking slightly bewildered. “I kept complaining how my shitty phone would switch itself off several times a day and that I was saving up for a new one, but that I should probably save for a laptop instead. So he said that this way I can just save for the laptop. I felt weird about it at first, because I only got him a few books and some vinyl and, but he seemed over the moon with them.”

“He bought you an iPhone?” Remus laughed, “The new one?”

“I was in the state you are now for about an hour. I couldn’t believe it. The nicest part was, he put some of his music on it for me.” She grinned, “He’s really special. I mean, he can be arrogant and a bit of a tosser at times, but he doesn’t mean to come across that way. He's just so wonderful and I just want this for you so badly.”

“I’m really happy for you.” He smiled at her. “So what’s the plan for your day?”

***

Remus wasn’t sure what had possessed him to walk the fifteen minutes to Sirius’ but before he knew it, he was outside the front door of their flat, gift in hand. He took a deep breath and knocked. There was no answer, so he knocked again. Remus reasoned that Sirius had probably looked through the peephole and decided that ignoring Remus was his best option. He knocked again before placing the present on the step outside the flat. 

“Sirius, I know you don’t want to see me but I got you something so- so I’m just going to leave it here. Let me know if you don’t feel like being alone.” He’d already started walking away when he murmured “I miss you.” 

Remus walked back towards his flat when he saw Peter, James and Sirius’ friend walking towards him with what Remus assumed was his girlfriend. “Alright Remus?”

Remus nodded, “Going to see Sirius?”

“Nah, he decided to go home for Christmas at the last minute. I'm just going to feed their bloody fish on Christmas Day.” Pete shrugged. 

Remus nodded again, though something was niggling at him. Surely Lily would have mentioned something to him if Sirius had decided to go home. “Well, Happy Christmas!” He said, as cheerfully as he could muster, as they kept walking their separate ways.

**Werewolf McWerewolf**   
_Did James mention anything about Sirius deciding to go home for the holidays?_

**Flower Power**   
_No… why?_

**Werewolf McWerewolf**   
_Just bumped into their friend Pete and he told me that Sirius had decided to go home for Christmas at the last minute._

Remus had arrived home and was in the middle of making tea when Lily’s reply came through, his stomach felt like the bottom had dropped out of it.

**Flower Power**   
_He’s definitely not at home with James, but now James is worried, because apparently Pete went by to feed their goldfish after you saw him and he definitely isn’t there either._

**Werewolf McWerewolf**   
_Where else would he go?_

**Flower Power**   
_That’s what James is trying to figure out now._   
_I know that you two aren’t on good terms right now, but maybe text him? It might be such a surprise that he might actually reply?_

**Werewolf McWerewolf**   
_He isn’t replying to James?_

**Flower Power**   
_Nope. Calls just ring out to voicemail and texts are left on seen. He's been active on facebook but he isn't responding on there either._

**Werewolf McWerewolf**   
_At least we know he’s alive?_   
_Wow, morbid._

**Flower Power**   
_I said the same thing._   
_Will you think about texting him?_

**Werewolf McWerewolf**   
_Yeah, of course._

He could sense the panic in Lily's messages even if she wasn't directly saying it. Remus stared at his phone. His mind was full of things he wanted to say, all clamouring over each other, wanting to be heard. He made himself another cup of tea and began to draft a text.

**Moonbeam**   
_Hey, I know we’re not exactly on the best of terms right now, but can you please talk to me (or Lily or James or Pete) and just let us know that you’re ok. You don’t have to tell us where you are, or why and none of us will try and force you to come back or anything like that. We’re all really worried about you, James said the only other time you’ve done this is when you ran away from your bio family, which makes me think that this is probably a big deal. He hasn’t told your Mum and Dad that you’re missing yet, and I don’t think he wants to have to, so do him a favour and just let him know that you're ok. I don’t want to be presumptuous that I play that big of a role in your life, but if this is because of our last conversation, then please can we just talk it out? If it’s not, I think I’d like to talk about it anyway because I miss you, and I really wish you’d stayed here over Christmas. I didn’t realise how lonely Christmas Day on your own is. Anyway, I stand by what I said about you being a shit boyfriend to Gideon, but I also realised that I don't want you to be a good boyfriend to Gideon. You can read into that however you want, but just please get in touch with one of us, or all of us or whatever. Hope you’re safe._


	21. Good News and Bad News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god the angst. I'm mostly sorry.

**Werewolf McWerewolf**   
_Has anyone who isn’t me thought about messaging Gideon? Sirius said that he’d invited him over for Christmas but he had too much family or Christmas was a huge deal or something. I’m probably not gonna be the best person to message him._

**Flower Power**   
_Good idea. I’ll do it. Hope we don’t end up worrying someone else on Christmas Day for no reason._

Remus’ stomach growled and he realised it was well past lunchtime. Between the insomnia and Lily calling him so early, he’d completely lost any sense of time. He rummaged through the freezer until he found a tupperware of Lily’s super-special-super- secret-no-you-can’t-have-the-recipe-Remus pasta. He popped it in the microwave and sat at the kitchen table. They didn’t even know how long Sirius had been gone, if it was just today, or if he had been missing longer and none of them had realised. 

**Flower Power**   
_Good and bad news. I think. The bad news is that Gideon hasn’t heard from Sirius for several days and has no idea where he could be._

**Werewolf McWerewolf**   
_And the good news?_   
_Did you find him?_   
_Is he ok?_   
_Lily you can’t just say that and then not reply immediately!_

**Flower Power**   
_Sorry, James called me. The good news (for you, mainly) is that Gideon broke up with Sirius four days ago. No news on Sirius yet, though. James is really starting to worry. I don’t know what to say to him to help. Help!_

**Werewolf McWerewolf**   
_It’s not good news if we never find him. Ask James if there’s anywhere here or anywhere else that has specific importance to him? Where he might go if he was having a shit time? I know he said Tonks’ mum was nice. I’ll message Tonks and see if he’s there._

Remus sat for a moment, not really knowing how to approach this message. It would probably mean admitting to Tonks that he and Sirius weren’t dating, which in hindsight would make Tonks feel awful. He deliberated as he ate the slightly soggy pasta, deciding it was slightly better to exaggerate slightly, than hurt her feelings.

**Nap Queen**   
_Hi Tonks, Merry Christmas! Hope you’re having a great day. :) Um, so this is kind of awkward, but Sirius and I have had a bit of a falling out and he’s gone AWOL. He’s not with you and your family is he? James, Lily and I are really worried about him, and just want to make sure he’s ok. Sorry for putting a downer on your day, we’re just desperate and I needed to check._

**Table Invader**   
_He’s not at James’?_   
_No, he’s not here, sorry. Also sorry you’ve had a falling out. Anything I can help with?_   
_Not like that…_   
_I’m seeing someone now_   
_Fuck, I wish my brain thought quicker than I type_   
_I just mean, I don’t mean it like ‘oh you’re not with Sirius now, so I have a chance’, I mean it like ‘Can I help?’ I'm just not good at the phrasing. You know me._   
_Sorry I can’t help with the locating Sirius thing tho. Please keep me updated. I’ll let you know if I think of anything._

**Nap Queen**   
_Thanks Tonks, thats really kind of you. It was just a stupid argument and now I’m obviously a little worried as we don’t know where he is. I’ll keep you in the loop. And congrats! I hope they make you happy. :)_

Remus sighed. He wasn’t sure whether he should call the police or contact the university or try and look up Sirius’ family to try and contact them. He just felt useless. He’d just finished his tea when his phone buzzed again causing him to jump. He stared at the screen in relief and disbelief.

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_I’m safe._

**Moonbeam**   
_Where are you?_   
_Sirius?_   
_Please_

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_You said you just wanted to know that I was safe!_

**Moonbeam**   
_And now I know that you’re safe, I want to know where you are because we have all been worried sick for HOURS. What’s happened?_

**< 3 Sirius, Prince of my Heart <3 **   
_I’m down on the pier_

**Moonbeam**   
_Don’t move_   
_I’m on my way_

He fired off a quick text to Lily, James, Pete and Tonks to let them know that Sirius was safe and he was going to find him. The pier was just over five minutes walk from Remus’ flat, and he made it in less than two at a sprint. He arrived, panting, to see Sirius down at the end of the pier, leaning against the railings, facing out to sea. As he got nearer, he saw that Sirius had an almost empty bottle of Smirnoff in his hand. Remus joined him at the railing, and they stood in silence for a few minutes.

“I didn’t think any of you would realise. Did- Didn’t mean to worry you. None of you.” Sirius’ voice was shaky. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, you’re safe. That’s all that matters.” Remus said, ignoring the bubbling anger that Sirius could be so stupid to think that they wouldn’t notice. “What happened?”

Sirius’ face was blotchy and seemed permanently frozen into a look of agony. “M’ mother called me yesterday. My biological… Reggie. Reggie ended up following in their footsteps and joined some gang preaching straight-white cuckoo-clan bullshit or… or something and the little twat went and got himself killed. Shot in broad fucking daylight three days ago. He was my little brother, even if he made bad choices. He was my little brother. I was s’posed to look out f’r him. I failed him.” Sirius let out a heart-wrenching sob and collapsed into Remus’ open arms. 

“I’m so sorry.” Remus hugged him tighter. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“He was seven- seventeen. I should’ve been there f’r him.”

“You couldn’t have known.” Remus said softly, “You couldn’t have foreseen this happening.”

“I knew they were brainwashing him though. It didn’t work on me, so they used him instead. I should have taken him with me. I should have-” He shivered. “I should have looked after him.”

“You’re freezing. Where’s your coat?” Remus realised he sounded like his grandma. He shrugged off his oversized denim jacket, slipping it over Sirius’ shoulders. It drowned him, and Remus had to stop himself commenting because the word adorable was definitely on the tip of his tongue.

“Didn’ think.” Sirius sniffed. “You shouldn’t be out here. You’re sick. _Sick_ , Moony.”

“Come home with me then? _Please_. I’ll make us tea and you can warm up.” A fresh wave of sobs overtook Sirius’ body as he nodded. Remus stroked his hair gently and held on tight to him with the other hand. “Hey.” Sirius looked up at him, “I know that we both said shitty things, we did, but I would have been there for you yesterday if you’d asked. I’d have come running. I will always come running.”

“Needed some… sp- space.” He shook his head. “Didn’t want- I didn’t wa- Ruin everyone’s Christmas.” He inhaled sharply and shakily.

“Sirius.” Sirius shook his head and extricated himself from Remus’ arms. “Sirius.” He shook his head. “Padfoot.”

Sirius spun around. “That’s- you- you don’t- Moony.” His face crumpled again, but he let Remus pull him back in and they began to walk back to Remus’ slowly. Remus’ arm around Sirius’ shoulders and Sirius trying to stifle his sobs. 

“Stop trying not to cry. Let it out.” Remus murmured. “You’ll end up sad _and_ sore if you carry on.”

They reached Remus’ flat and he checked his phone.

**Flower Power**   
_He’s ok? Where is he? What’s happened?_   
_Remus!_   
_Please answer me_   
_REMUS_   
_Reeeeeeeemus_   
_Omg answer me_   
_Re_   
_Re_   
_Bitch I’m not afraid of a double text, I will triple text you. Or non-tuple text you. Please reply I’m so stressed!_

**James**   
_Lily said he replied to you. Is he ok? Where is he? Are you with him? I’m so fuckn grateful for you right now. Can you let me know when you’re both ok when you can please? Also Lily says ‘Tell Remus I said to reply to my messages or I’ll never make him soup again.’ Awkward._

**Peter Pettigrew**   
_Cool_

**Table Invader**   
_My mum just told me about Reg. I’m assuming that’s why he’s been out of sorts. They were really close when they were younger. I can’t believe it._   
_He was only a year younger than me, fuck. He was super smart too. I’m so shook._   
_Please give Sirius a big hug from me and I hope you two can work things out._   
_But also don’t pressure him or anything rn, bc he’ll be super fragile. Not that you would, I mean. Just be gentle._   
_NOT LIKE THAT OMG_   
_You know what I mean._   
_Merry Christmas Nap Queen :) Thanks for finding him and looking after him. He’s very lucky to have you._

He fired off replies, saying that Sirius was at home with him and he was ok and that he'd let them know more later. Reg's unfortunate demise wasn't his story to tell. Then he fetched the duvet from his room and sat Sirius on the sofa and covered him with it before making a pot of tea, before joining Sirius under the duvet. His sobs had subsided and he was just staring blankly at the wall, still clutching the bottle of vodka. Remus pried it from his fingers with less protesting than he had predicted.

“Everyone sends their love. I haven’t told anyone anything other than that you’re here and you’re safe, but Tonks knows. Her mum told her.” He reached out and touched Sirius’ arm gently. “I really am so sorry, Sirius.”

“When she called me, I rushed to check the train times, but she told- she told me that I wouldn’t be welcome at his funeral, and not to bother.” His eyes flicked from the wall to a spot a foot or so above Remus’ head. “I knew that I was burned off the family tapestry and disinherited and all the rest of the ridiculous aristocratic bureaucracy bullshit, but she knew that Reg meant a lot to me. She _knew_ that he was the reason that I stayed as long as I did. She knew what she was doing.”

“What was he like?” Remus asked quietly, “When you were younger?”

“He was much more obedient than I was, whether that’s because he bought into their bullshit or he just didn’t want to rock the boat, I don’t know. He was so smart, though. So smart, and so creative. He wanted to be an artist, but that would have been an insult to The Noble House of Black. Father had him all ready to study politics and take up his seat as an MP when he was ready.” Sirius sighed, “When they’d lock me in my room for days, he’d figure out ways to sneak me food and books. He always wanted me to just give in and do what they wanted and when I left, he was only thirteen and he didn’t get it. He sent a letter to James’ telling me that he wasn’t allowed to contact me anymore, but that they’d burned me off the tapestry and contacted the family lawyers to formally disinherit me. He told me that he agreed with them that I’d pushed it too far, and that he wished I’d been stronger. I still have that letter. That’s the last time he spoke to me. I tried, over the last few years but he never replied.”

“It must have taken so much for you to leave them at sixteen. You were incredibly strong, even if Reg couldn’t see it then.” He smiled, “He sounds like he was a great little brother, though.”

“The best. James comes in a close sec- second, obviously.” Sirius managed a small smile. “I just wish I’d done something or spoken to someone about how they treated me, and they might have taken Reg away.”

“Your parents were insanely rich. They could have paid anyone off if allegations were made. Don’t blame yourself. You have done so much for yourself. More than could ever have been expected from one person. You’re strong and you’re smart and you’re honestly such a wonderful human being. This isn’t on you, ok?” 

Sirius met Remus’ eyes and they stared at one another for longer than was probably necessary. Sirius found himself leaning in slightly, but before he could do anything about it, his stomach lurched and he found himself vomiting on Remus’ living room floor.

Remus was speechless for a few seconds, then the sight of Sirius, wide eyed with strings of saliva dripping from his mouth became too much. He began to laugh. Not just a chuckle, a raucous, loud laugh. He walked to the kitchen, holding his sides and grabbed some kitchen roll and disinfectant spray, along with a glass of water for his shell-shocked guest. He handed Sirius the water as he began mopping up the puddle of vodka-vomit from the floor. 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know I even felt sick.” Sirius whispered. “I would have…” He gestured towards the bathroom. 

“You think I don’t understand what it’s like to suddenly get sick? You think I haven’t thrown up in here before?” Remus quirked an eyebrow and Sirius choked out a laugh. “It’s not a problem. Let’s get you out of those clothes and get you comfortable, though.”

"Gideon ended things." Sirius looked up at him, earnestly.

"I know." Remus smiled. "Come on, you've got vom on your shirt."


	22. Bad Vodka. Very Bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all... Sorry it's been so long. My b.
> 
> A lot has happened, I had 2 weeks in London, turned 27 and got engaged. 
> 
> So those are things that happened. 
> 
> I'm still recovering from the exertion from the London trip, but I'm hoping to update more regularly from now on. 
> 
> Thank you so much for all your comments. They mean so much to me!
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

Remus awoke first the next day. He’d offered to sleep in Lily’s bed, but Sirius was having none of it. Eventually he’d settled enough that Remus was sure that he would sleep through and there’d be no more vomiting and Remus could feel alright with finally falling asleep. He looked over at Sirius, who seemed completely peaceful until he let out an almighty snore. Remus, caught by surprise, couldn’t control his laughter and Sirius opened one eye slowly, then the other.

“Are you laughing at me, Moony?” He rasped, before groaning. “Oh fuck, ow.”

“Hungover?” Remus asked, suddenly very aware of how close Sirius’ face was to his own.

Sirius hummed in assent, then closed his eyes. “Bad vodka. Very bad.”

“Most vodka’s bad after almost a litre.” Remus chuckled. “What do you need?”

“A time machine would be nice. Just one that could go back a little bit to before I threw up on your floor.” He buried his head under the duvet.

“I can’t do that. It’s against time travel laws. You vomiting on my floor then telling me you’re single now was a fixed point in time. Wibbley-wobbley-timey-wimey. Y’know?”

“Did you just quote Doctor Who at me?” Sirius asked. “Because I am _way_ too hungover to have Doctor Who quoted at me.”

“My sincerest apologies.” Remus sounded anything but. “Would tea and toast make up for it?”

“Mm. Thanks Moons. You’re wonderful.” Remus pushed Sirius’ hair back off his face before sliding from the bed. “So’s your arse.” He said to Remus’ retreating form. Remus’ laughter rang out from the kitchen.

***

“I’m fine. Of course I’m devastated about… everything. But I’m being well looked after.” Sirius smiled fondly at Remus’ back. He was making an attempt at Lily’s super-special-super-secret-no-you-can’t-have-the-recipe-Remus pasta and continuously huffing as he tasted the sauce and it wasn’t quite right. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“I know you didn’t. Just don’t do it again.” James said, on the other end of the phone. “We were worried sick. But anyway, is everything alright with you and Remus?” James lowered his voice incase Remus could hear him.

“It really is. He’s cooking us a wonderful Boxing Day lunch as we speak. Pasta-a-la-Lily.” Remus grinned over his shoulder. “It smells incredible. You’re missing out.”

“Better than mum’s cooking?” 

“Yep.” Sirius laughed at James’ gasp. “But don’t you dare tell her I said that.”

“I’ll try not to. Maybe I’d be her favourite again then, though.” 

“James Fleamont Potter, don’t you dare. I’m always going to be her favourite.” 

“Have they met Lily yet? She’s always the favourite. I swear my mum loves her more than she loves me.” Remus frowned at the sauce. “I think this is as close as I’m going to get.” He left it to simmer and put some pasta on to boil.

“Blasphemy.” Sirius pouted. “James, do not let Lily meet your parents.”

“I think she’s going to have to meet them at some point, mate. The wedding would be a bit awkward otherwise.” He could hear James’ sappy grin.

“Disgusting. Besides, I’m the eldest, I get married first. No batting out of turn, Jamie.” He smiled as Remus sat opposite him, slouching in his chair. “Anyway, they might love Remus the most. He’s a culinary god, just like mum. He’s hilarious, just like me. He’s smart, just like Dad, and he makes a better cup of tea than you do, pal. Sorry.”

“You flatter me.” Remus deadpanned, causing Sirius to snort. “Who said I’m meeting your parents anyway?”

“It’s bound to happen at some point Moony.”

“Tell him it’s best just to accept it than fight it at this point. They've already asked me everything about him.” James laughed. “Can I speak to him?”

“Are you just going to ask him how I _really_ am and fuss over me?” 

“Mostly, yes.” 

“Then you can do it on speaker.” Sirius put James on speaker. “Jamie?”

“Moony?” James’ voice was more tinny and Sirius smirked.

“I’m here. Happy Boxing Day!” 

“Happy Boxing Day! How are you feeling?”

“Tired.” Remus said. “Always tired, really. So alright, I guess. How are you and your family?”

“We’re all great, especially now we know this arsehole is safe. Is he really ok, Moons? I know he’s all light and breezy while I’m on the phone but is he actually ok?”

“James, I’m right fucking here.”

Remus thought for a second, looking at Sirius as if he were trying to read his mind. “Honestly, I think he’s as ok as could be expected. He’s trying to be as positive as he can, but he knows we’re not stupid and that we can see him covering up how he’s actually feeling. I also think he knows that we all love him and will be here for him unconditionally no matter how deeply this affects him.” He looked up and made eye contact with Sirius. “That’s as much as is fair to expect from him right now.”

“Fuck, I’m glad you’re with him Remus. Thank you.” 

“Yes, yes. Remus is doing a grand job. You don’t need to worry about me anymore.”

“The more I get to know you, the more that I wholeheartedly disagree with that statement.” Remus laughed. “You should be thoroughly worried about at all times. I’m surprised your mum didn’t tear her hair out having to deal with both of you.”

“She knew what she was getting herself into.” James said. “I’d better go anyway, Lily will be here any minute and I need to do something with my hair.”

“Might I suggest shaving it off and getting a wig?”

“Listen, Moony you little shit I-” James was interrupted by the sound of Lily in the background.

“Are you not even dressed yet?”

“Hello to you too!” James snorted, “I’ve been on the phone with bloody Romeo and Juliet here for over an hour.”

“If anything, we’re Tybalt and Mercutio.” Remus said. “Happy Boxing Day, Lily!”

“Happy Boxing Day!” Lily yelled down the phone. “How’s the invalid?”

“Not so much an invalid, just a bit of a sore head and bruised ego.” Sirius managed a genuine laugh. “It’ll pass.”

“Good. I’m so glad you’re ok, however I’m going to steal James away from you for a bit now, though. Sorry. Not sorry.” The line went dead, but not before they heard a very squishy noise that they hoped desperately was just a kiss. 

“She’s lucky that I like her.” Sirius looked up at Remus. “I never asked you how you were feeling today. Running around to find me yesterday can’t have been easy on you. Sorry.”

“It’s ok. I’m prepared for the worst, but at the same time hoping that a Christmas miracle will make it go away.” Remus pointed to a carrier bag on the kitchen worktop. “Full of tablets, vitamins, healthy snacks, unhealthy snacks, a few juiceboxes and anything else I might need. I keep it next to my bed when I feel a flare up coming on or if I know I’ve over-exerted myself.”

“I didn’t mean to make you worse.” Sirius frowned. "Fuck."

“It’s not your fault. Besides, you didn’t even want me to come and find you really. So it’s on me, ok?” Remus smiled down at him as he handed him a bowl of pasta. “It’s not quite up to Lily’s standards, but I hope you like it anyway.”

Sirius helped himself to a forkful and moaned. “Fuck that’s good. I see what Prongs sees in her now.”

“Yes, I’m sure he’s with her for her pasta seasoning ability.” 

“Is he _with her_? Is that the sort of thing that they’d tell us or are we supposed to just infer from context that they’re together?” Sirius said, in-between mouthfuls of pasta.

“I feel like they’re together. I’ll text her and ask her in a bit.” Remus sat down opposite Sirius and smiled. 

“Would it be alright if I stayed here until James comes back?” Sirius said after a few minutes of silence. “I just don’t really want to be on my-”

“Yes, of course.” Remus smiled as his friend carried on.

“Own right now and if you’re going to be feeling worse then I can look after you, and I’m sorry, I know it’s a imposition, but I just really-” Remus reached out and touched his hand.

“I said yes.”

“Oh.” Sirius said. “Thanks.”

“You’re my friend. I’ll do anything I can to help you out.” Remus smiled at him and Sirius noted that it wasn’t his usual lop-sided grin. This seemed a little more forced. He then forced himself to stop overthinking, because he was staying in the same flat as Remus, and overthinking could most definitely ruin that very quickly. “Do you want to go grab some things from yours?

“Yeah, I can’t wear your pyjamas forever, as comfy as they may be.”

“That’s one of the perks of being ill, I suppose. I only buy really soft clothes because sometimes if they’re not super soft, my skin gets itchy and sore.”

“Only the softest of the soft for Moony. Only the downiest duvets and fluffiest, golden fleece lined hoodies for my Moony-Moon.” The lop-sided grin was back, and Sirius couldn't help but grin back. “I’ll pop home in a bit.”

“Want me to come with you?” Remus’ eyes looked tired, Sirius noticed with a pang of guilt.

“You need all the rest you can get. You’ve been galavanting all over the place. No, you stay here. I won’t be long.”


End file.
